[maidstone] at my fingertips; starfall {phillip}

It was dark, cold and windy.

Billie pulled the blanket – thick and magically warm – closer around her. The disparity between the cold night air on her cheeks and the heat generated by the blanket made her shiver, but she didn’t want to go inside yet; magic meant she could sit out here on the porch even in the middle of winter, surely. In summer, having to be home at ten or eleven at night meant that she had to be home not long after sunset – at it’s latest, sunset in Craven fell somewhere around nine thirty. In the winter, though, the dark crept up into the afternoon; it must have only been around nine now but it had already been night for hours.

Winter suited the pair of them better, though. At least, Billie thought so. There was a way coldness really became crystalline around this time of year, even here in Maidstone where it so rarely actually snowed compared to at school, or anywhere else further north. Even now – when the night was so clear they could actually see stars in the sky from the little wicker seat by the backdoor – there was a certain magical freshness to the cold that she’d come to associate with him. The smell of cold, clean air mixed with burning firewood, the visible puffs of air as she breathed, warm drinks on cold nights… It all made her think of him.

Had last Christmas done that, she wondered? It had been the first time she’d realised she couldn’t help but smile every time she saw him. The first time there had been a spark of curiosity on her end about whether there might actually be something more than friendly forming on his end. He might have asked her out in the summer, but she’d fallen in love with him in the winter; this was their season.

She shivered again, the chills running from her neck down to her knees, as the door beside the couch opened and Phillip appeared, two mugs in his hands. Billie smiled tentatively – she’d been here for hours, and yet suddenly it was like she was seeing him again for the first time, or perhaps the first time after a long break. A pink blush bloomed on her cheeks the longer their gazes met. “Hey, you,” she breathed. She felt nervous, even though she really shouldn’t. A little embarrassed, maybe. And so very in love. “Oh, come sit, you must be freezing,” she added quickly after a beat, shifting the blanket a little to make space for him.

"Hey, you," Phillip repeated Billie as he used his foot to close the screen door behind him quietly. The teenager wasn't typically playful, and he certainly wasn't the type to be cutesy, but the undeniable connection he felt to Billie right now had changed all of that. Like he was floating on some silvery cloud made just for the two of them. Everything was perfect in their little bubble, and despite the weather, he felt warm and bright. The fog from his words lingered as he looked down at her wrapped up in the blanket. She had been out here for a while, long enough for him to take a quick shower and make them both a cup of something warm.

Phillip joined her on the sofa, sliding on the blanket and careful not to spill any of the steaming liquid from the mugs. He kissed her gently before he finished settling in; first things first. Holding the cup out to her, Phillip took a scalding sip of his and hissed as it burnt his tongue. The spell he'd used to warm them had been too effective but producing his wand for a cooling spell seemed like too much work. "Might want to give it a moment," Phillip said, his eyes crinkling as he smiled at her. The warmth from her blanket, coupled with the mood he was in, made Phillip exceedingly comfortable. He was tired, it had been a long day, and it wasn't even that late yet, but he couldn't hold back the yawn that came.

"What are you doing out here?" He began, interrupted by the yawn, and then finished the question with a sleepy smile. He was never tired this early, but it was more than just being physically drained; being here with Billie, Phillip felt calm, and that was relaxing.

“Oh,” She breathed, surprised as he leaned in for a kiss. It was soft and sweet, and after a second of blissful floating, the blonde reflected on the thoughts she’d had way back in summer when they’d started kissing here in this house. She wondered why anyone would do anything else, when it felt so good, and if that feeling would ever wear off. It might someday, but it hadn’t yet; all she wanted to do was be here. Her eyes stayed shut for a moment as he pulled back, then she shifted and tucked her legs under her, unwilling to have them off of the couch in the cold.

His smile made her stomach swoop, entirely in the good way. “Thank you,” she said softly, taking the mug from him. Her hands felt cold outside of the blanket, but the heat from the mug clearly indicated that he was right, and it was too hot to drink. Instead of holding onto it, Billie leaned down and placed it beside the leg of the seat, careful to bring the blanket up on that side so there was no risk of a spill. She waited for him to get settled, then leaned into him, nudging his arm out of the way so she could lie against his chest.

“I don’t know,” Billie said, pulling the blanket right up to her nose. “Looking at the stars?” she offered, her voice a little muffled. Now that he was out here, though, she wasn’t so inclined to be staring up at the sky, even if she had to crane her neck a little to see him. Billie reached for his spare hand, bringing it to her lips with both of hers for a light kiss before tucking it just under her chin, making sure to adjust the blanket over the top of their hands and the lower half of her face again. He smelled like the soap she'd made for him – lemon myrtle, ylang ylang. “You smell good,” she commented.

Looking at the stars, the idea made him smile and wonder if Billie knew how much he loved that about her. Phillip loved everything about Billie; he loved her, but especially her interest in the stars. They had bonded the most on the nights they spent up in the Astronomy Tower. It wasn't just because they were Ravenclaws; it was more than that; at least for Phillip, it was a lot deeper. Astronomy had been a tough subject for the student in the years after he lost his stargazing mum. Phillip didn't want to pay attention, he wanted to forget the connection, but Billie made it okay again. Being around the stars felt okay when she was around, it felt safe and homey, and soon enough, Phillip realized it wasn't the stars at all. Billie was his home.

Phillip shifted to accommodate his girlfriend, wrapping his arm around her and setting his glass down before she reached for his other hand. She snuggled against him, and Phillip wished they could stay like this forever. Tucked away, alone, in Maidstone. Everything was perfect here, just the two of them and the stars.

"Thanks," Phillip noted, exhaling a small chuckle, "I like the soap," The teenager was not the type to pick out scents; at Hogwarts, he used whatever soap was available to them, but the gift from Billie was appreciated. She had made it special for him, and the thought made him smile. "How are you feeling?" Phillip's voice was quiet again, not shy, but it did hold the slightest bit of concern. After everything that had happened tonight, Phillip felt a constant need to check in with her. To make sure she was happy and felt good and all of those things.

His question felt intimate, even though the words were innocent. “I feel good,” Billie said, taking care to be unambiguous with her wording. It was clear to her that he was asking more than his words implied — he wasn’t just being polite, he really wanted to know. “I feel… Sleepy,” she said with a smile, nuzzling into him a little more, getting comfy, as if to make a point. She’d have to go home soonish; it was winter, and had been dark for hours, but it was getting a little late.

It wasn’t curfew time yet, though. “Remember the first time we came here?” she asked quietly. It had been daytime, and right at the start of summer; a much warmer space than it was right now. This suited them better, she thought, and the temperature — she kissed his knuckle again, bringing his hand to her lips with both of hers — was certainly better for this. “Remember when you kissed me, upstairs?” She felt so much older now, even though it'd only been six months. "Thought I was going to faint," she admitted, shy but unashamed.

A contented sigh escaped his lips as Billie moved closer, her body pressed up against his, and the warmth filled him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this happy, and if he stopped to think about it long enough, the wizard might have realized that he had never been this happy before in his entire life. If he took a moment, and the thought occurred, it probably would have scared the hell out of him. Knowing how good things could be, how safe and peaceful he could feel, would only remind him of how easily those feelings could be stripped away. So instead, and quite possibly for the first time, Phillip pushed those fears aside and just enjoyed this moment. Billie was like his armor, giving him the strength to beat back all of the dark thoughts that swirled in his mind. His paranoia and pessimism grew quieter with every smile she gifted him.

"Remember the first time we came here?" Phillip made another soft sound, a mix between a chuckle and mm-hmm, and nodded. The teenager remembered every second of that first visit to Maidstone. He remembered how she had hesitated at the front door, the overgrown plants in the greenhouse, the Tupperware she'd brought snacks in, and most especially the time they spent in her old bedroom. Her kisses left little goosebumps in their wake, and Phillip's face broke into a smile as she brought up the moment his mind had instantly gone to. He had called her perfect, and Phillip felt that tonight even more than he had that day. Everything about Billie was just right.

"Yeah," He half laughed again, his arm still around her shoulder, thumb running gently over the fabric of her shirt. "Faint?" He asked, though Phillip knew what she meant, and leaned forward a little to see the look on her face. He felt more playful than usual, despite the waves of sleepiness that were creeping in. The smile that was reserved solely for Billie grew on his face, and he nudged her. "I was nervous, too," He offered after a moment.

Summer seemed so long ago, and the more she thought about it, the further back it seemed. Time was funny like that, she thought. Faint? He was teasing her, so she wrinkled her nose at him as he leaned in to look at her face. She wasn’t really embarrassed about it now, though; how could she be? She’d been so utterly readable the whole time, her thoughts and feelings broadcast for the world to see. Well, not the world. Her world, maybe. (That was cheesy). She kissed his hand again, then tucked it back under her chin, intertwining her fingers with his.

There was a touch of teasing smugness, there, cradled neatly in the kind of Phillip-gentleness that she was sure no one in the world had ever seen except for her. She felt privileged. “You were not,” Billie replied, sounding confident. She was at least convinced he wasn’t nervous the same way she had been. Maybe he could claim nervousness earlier today, she thought affectionately, but back in summer, especially that first time they’d come here, he’d seemed to know exactly what he was doing. Thinking about it was inappropriately distracting, though, so she diverted her thoughts.

“How would you know,” He countered, the smile reaching his eyes, and Phillip let out a soft chuckle. He remembered being so nervous he could barely form sentences. He remembered how his ears burned when she looked up at him. And how he’d had to take a break because it had been so intense. Phillip had loved Billie for a long time; she was the closest friend he had ever had, but when their friendship evolved into something more, it was like something out of a story. It was epic, glorious, and he was as consumed by it then as he was now. Phillip would have stolen the moon for Billie; he would have done anything for her.

Phillip’s eyes lingered on Billie’s face for a moment; he had memorized every bit of it a long time ago before sitting back again. The teenager turned to gaze at the night sky; past the faint light of the porch, it was dark, but it wasn’t bleak. The snow-capped trees that lined the Maidstone property were like little lanterns, glowing in the moonlight and casting shadows on the snowy ground. It was freezing out, but in this bubble, Phillip felt blissful.

“I’m not nervous anymore, though,”

“Because I wasn’t paying attention to anything else,” she answered simply, giving his hand a small squeeze. “Just you.”

She recalled how hyper aware of him she’d been that afternoon. How fixated on things like hand brushes and little looks she’d been. How she’d been unable to get over how handsome he was. She was still like that, quite often, but she wasn’t so embarrassed about it nowadays. He knew he commanded all of her attention, almost all of the time. Knew how to distract her when he wanted to do it intentionally.

Phillip chuckled and she nudged him in protest. “You seemed plenty confident to me,” she added. She tilted her head back a little, watching him as he looked up at the sky. Silently, she urged him to look back at her, instead, wanting his attention. "No?" she asked.

Only paying attention to one thing, Phillip could undoubtedly relate to that. For a long time now, Billie had been the center of his universe. He, and everything in his life, revolved around her, and he had never questioned it. The shift had happened without him noticing. He’d gone from being violently independent to needing her opinion on everything. From not wanting to talk to anyone to craving her attention from the moment he woke up to the second he fell asleep. It was such a dramatic change, and yet, it had happened seamlessly. Effortlessly, even, and he hadn’t known how deep he was until something threatened this new balance.

Phillip didn’t have anything else in his life. Billie was it, she was the reason for his entire existence, and that was consuming. And his unhealthy need had nearly blown things up during the first half of the term. Billie had a whole life outside of him; she had friends and responsibilities, hobbies and academics, all sorts of things that did not include him. And when she tried to welcome him to her group, Phillip had only wanted to hold on to their private world more tightly. He’d learned a little about how to meet her halfway, they had resolved some things, but some part of Phillip was still expecting things to be the way they were over the summer. Even if it wasn’t rationale, some selfish part of him assumed she would drop other things to make more room for him because that was what he had done for her.

And yet, right here, right now, back in their bubble, Phillip forgot all of those past worries again. Like Hogwarts was an entirely different timeline, and this moment was the only real one. Some other wizard was worried about Killian, the loud Gryffindors, Billie’s need to be a good Prefect, and her struggle with the Protego spell. This Phillip was only here, holding the hand of the witch that he loved and struggling against the yawn that threatened to spill out of his mouth.

“Glad you thought so,” He replied, turning his eyes back to her as she spoke again. “But I wasn’t.” Phillip wondered if she wanted to hear him explain it to her, but he knew that Billie would never ask, even if she did want him to—especially if she did—so he continued. “I was so scared that I would do something you wouldn’t like.” It was a silly thing to be afraid of, he realized in hindsight, but he’d also had a similar fear earlier tonight. The fact that both moments had happened here as if they were writing a novel and the characters returned to where they started was a comfort.

Phillip watched her eyes, looking for some sign of a reaction, as the thoughts came rushing in. He opened the door to wonder, saying that he had been afraid, and now the fears were popping back up. “Wait, did I?” He asked, not because she had given any indication that he might have, but because his mind wouldn’t allow him not to.

She wondered what he meant by that. Wasn’t confident? That didn’t really match up with her memory at all; she remembered little smirks when he kissed her neck and she ducked away because it tickled. She remembered him telling her he’d wanted to kiss her for a long time, remembered him putting his hands on her waist, and seeming like he knew what he was doing. It was all very cinematic in her head, but whatever way she spun it it was almost impossible for her to imagine he was nervous.     
                 
Billie glanced up at him again when he spoke once more. Scared to do something she didn’t like? “We were just kissing,” She protested gently, her cheeks pinker. She thought she understood what he meant, though; she thought she would have had an exceptionally difficult time telling him to stop back then, if he’d gone a little far or something. The thought made her uncomfortable, and she imagined that he probably felt uncomfortable too.

She frowned, confused. “Did you what?” she asked.

It was as if the moment he let himself think he might have done something wrong, those fears opened like a hole in the floor, and he slipped down into his panic. Had he moved too fast? Then, or just a little while ago? Was there something she would have liked him to do differently? Phillip’s eyebrows pulled together, a mix of emotions running through him until they all settled on one: anxiety. What if she didn’t like something? But, he reminded himself that she had said differently, and it was nearly enough to calm his nerves. He had been so careful, both the first time they had come to this house and earlier this evening. Paying attention to everything she said, every look and sound, everything, but had he missed something?

He’d thought his question was reasonably straightforward, but Billie’s confusion only dragged him deeper into his worry. “Did I do something you didn’t like?” He replied quickly before chewing on the inside of his lip. Phillip was not the overconfident, full of macho bravado type; that was not him. And the concern on his face was unmistakable. “Either back then, or just a bit ago?” Merlin, he hoped she didn’t say both.

“What?” She asked, a disbelieving smile hovering on her lips. The word sounded blunt and rude to her ears. It just seemed so bizarre to her that he would ask that, when the answer felt so obvious to her. “No, of course not,” she answered, her cheeks redder. She felt embarrassed by his directness, which admittedly felt a little silly, given everything else. It was in her nature, though; Billie Fay was an indirect person. “No, nothing.”

Billie shifted, sitting up straighter so she could look at him properly. The side of her that had been pressed up against him felt cold without his warmt, and the blanket crinkled around her. Was that… actual worry she saw in his expression? Billie reached up and touched his face with the tips of her fingers. His cheek felt cold. “Did I seem uncomfortable to you?" She asked gently, curiously.

The first time they'd come here they'd spent literal hours kissing. Just kissing. Her face had kinda hurt later on because they'd kissed so much, and it had barely toed the line of scandalous at all; it wasn't like they'd been in any state of unclothed or like, horizontal or anything. The blonde reached up to tuck her hair behind both ears, then leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips before reaching for her hot chocolate. She sipped it, then cupped it between both of her hands.

He felt a bit of relief from her answer, and more so when she repeated it, and Phillip nodded. He knew he was overthinking everything, Phillip could tell from how Billie was acting now that she didn’t regret what they had done, but it was hard not to consider all of the angles. He wished he could just set all of his thoughts aside for a little while, the same way that his mind had gone blank after they had finished. For someone who felt like the inside of his head was always screaming about one thing or another, those few minutes of peace had been fantastic. He wanted it again, wanted her again, and those thoughts made the worry quiet a bit.

Phillip’s gaze turned back to Billie, and he smiled at her as she sipped her coffee. “No, you didn’t,” Maybe at first, she had seemed uncomfortable, but Phillip had learned that that was normal, and it faded quickly. He’d studied this just like anything else, and he was glad for the information he did now and that their bodies seemed to know the rest. Phillip drank a bit more of his cocoa and relaxed into the comfortable feeling that surrounded them. Blankets, snow-capped trees, their little world, it was the perfect space, made even more so because it was just the two of them.

“I’m glad it happened,” He said after a beat, but as the words escaped him, he wished he’d held them back. It didn’t just happen, and somehow saying it like it was random made it sound like a mistake, or maybe Phillip was back to overthinking things. “I mean, I would like to do it again sometime, you know, if you would,” He half smiled, knowing Billie would understand what he meant even if his mind continued to scramble through worst-case scenarios. It was the best feeling in the world; he had decided. To be able to relax knowing Billie knew him better than anyone in the world. That she understood where he was coming from, and who he was, and that even if he said the wrong thing or acted like a jerk, she knew him better than that. He never felt judged by Billie, and that was the most incredible comfort of all.