feel what you feel { will }

“Oh, it looks gorgeous,” Arden said, holding the door open for her brother, ushering him inside quickly. “What did you say? It’s an old yearmate’s place? Raj something…?” She waited for him and his bag to come through the door before closing it behind him. The sound of light rain falling on trees cut off immediately as the door shut, and Dash pulled her wand out from her pocket to dry them both off with a wordless spell that made her shiver.

She took her own backpack off, dropping it down beside the door for now so she could check the place out. There was a large mirror in the small hallway by the door, and a seat by a shoe rack (she kicked her shoes off impatiently and placed them side by side), and the hall opened up into a sizeable living room with large windows and a pretty, leafy view. She walked over to one of the windows, feeling an immediate wave of serenity and contentedness as she gazed out at the trees and the valley, the rain only partially obscuring the view. She glanced over her shoulder at her brother, her smile telling him as much.

It had been so long since she and Will had spent some quality time together, and she felt guilty about that. She saw him once every other month, but it was usually just for a quick lunch or a drink to catch up on things. How else would she know what was going on with her parents? She and her mother didn’t see eye to eye and her father was no letter-writer. As the only daughter of the family — even if she was the youngest — she felt some pressure to try and be dutiful with communication. Last summer they’d talked about going away for a weekend, but it hadn’t happened until now, so… She still wasn’t the best at it.

The woman reached up to take her ponytail out, letting her long, messy hair spill down her back instead. She sighed. “It’s actually so perfect, Will. Thanks so much for organising this.” She flicked her gaze over his shoulder, at the door to the rest of the house.

"Nehru," Will responded as he stepped through the threshold, ducking his head slightly out of habit (and fear of smacking his forehead on the door jamb). His backpack was deposited next to Arden's as she charmed them dry with a blast of warm air. He let the lead in his left hand go as Dave, the wolfhound, scampered off to explore. "I met up with him a couple of weeks ago for drinks," he went on. "I hadn't seen him in ages." Will neatly left out the part where Raj offered up the cottage under the impression that Will was bringing a girlfriend with him.

Shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the newel post, Will inhaled deeply. The cottage smelled faintly of paint and lavender and the earthy scent that followed them through the front door. He thought he needed this. London was stifling him, creatively and physically. Will needed a reboot, some fresh air. As soon as he stopped feeling like Bloomsbury was paradise, he knew he needed to leave.

Catching his sister's eye, he smiled warmly. "Thanks for coming with me," Will tacked on quickly. Arden was busy and he feared he was being overbearing. He didn't fret about Elijah half as much as he did her.

There wasn't much of a plan - home cooked food, fresh air, walks that caused muddy boots and a chance to talk. Will would be stupid if he didn't think Arden was growing up too quickly and slipping through his fingers. She was already a grown woman. She'd stopped coming to him for help when she needed it because now, she was strong enough to handle anything on her own. There was a mixture of pride and sadness that he'd been replaced.

"Raj said he left a few bits for us," Will went on as he passed Arden, reaching out to squeeze her left shoulder out of habit as he peered into the kitchen. There was a book of birdwatching on the window sill, some tea bags and a packet of biscuits and a note. Curiously, he flipped it over. Make sure you replace the biscuits! it said in slanted handwriting and Will rolled his eyes fondly. P.S; and wash the sheets afterwards with a smiley face, causing the eldest Dasher to scrunch up the note and lob it into the bin. Perv.

"Butty?" He asked Arden as he nodded to the fridge after he found some ham and a few bits his friend had left. 

She lingered at the window for a moment after he gave her shoulder a squeeze on the way by, just happy to be here, in the English countryside, with one brother and no responsibilities. It wasn’t easy for her to let go of her work; she supposed that was a consequence of working in a field that was also a passion, a love. She would have been thinking about it even if it wasn’t her job. But, she shouldn’t think of it now.

Reminding herself of this, the brunette followed her older brother in the vague direction of the kitchen, then went past it into the hall to see if she could see a bedroom or a bathroom. It was fun to poke around; the place had all of the novelty and none of the sterile atmosphere of being in a hotel. She found a small bunch of dried lavender tied with a piece of string and an old clock that didn’t seem to be moving.

“Oh!” She peeked around the corner as Will spoke, giving him a smile. “That sounds lovely. But I’m off meat again,” she added, nodding at the bit of wrapped ham in his hand. She disappeared again for another thirty seconds of exploring (Dave trotting around her legs as she did so), and came back feeling satisfied. “Anything I can help with?” she asked, hovering by a kitchen bench and out of his way.

Absently, she flicked through a recipe book that had been left on the bench, but she wasn’t really reading the words. Her mind was elsewhere, spinning up pictures of unusual gardens late at night and impromptu coffee meetings in German cafes. “So,” she started, leaving the book be and tucking a long strand of brown hair behind one ear.

“Give me the update — how have you been?” Dash felt adequately guilty that she needed a life update every time they saw each other; clearly that meant that they weren’t seeing each other enough, and it definitely felt like it was her fault. It had been five or six weeks since their last lunch, and that was more than enough time to have news; she was still trying to work out the best time to bring up hers.

Arden wasn't eating meat and Will smiled. A second or two later, he found a block of double gloucester. "Cheese, then?" He called after her retreating back, hoping Dave wouldn't get in her way and trip her up, even if the carpets in the cottage were plush. He'd let Arden pick which of the three bedrooms she wanted for the next couple of days. He hadn't gone much further than the kitchen but he found the creaking of the floorboards and the splattering of light rain on the windows to be overwhelmingly comforting.

"Don't be daft," he laughed, shooing her away playfully as he set about making lunch. "We might need to pop into the shops later on, though," Will announced. They needed a few bits - something for dinner, something they could take with them for their hikes through the mountains, maybe some beer. He'd spied a bucket of logs out of the kitchen window, so that'd be nice to light.

Arden wanted an update and Will managed to stop the laughter. He got up, went to work, took Dave for several walks and that was about it. "Business is good," he managed to say through a mouthful of sandwich as he held a plate out to his sister. "I'm meeting with a potential new author in a couple of weeks. I'm excited about it," he said brightly. The company wasn't too keen on the way he took risks on new authors but someone had to give them a chance. Besides, book shops were dying out. And not everyone wanted to read the same sorts of things.

He'd seen the woman Honey had helpfully pointed out in the Leaky Cauldron some months ago a handful of times. She was cute. He liked her laugh. And her little button nose. While he wasn't dating, per se, he was going out more and he'd stopped sitting on his sofa, eating whole boxes of Quality Street, so that was an improvement.

"And Greece was really nice," he went on, despite his Christmas tan now faded. Will had eaten too much taramasalata and got too much sun. So much so that he'd accidentally chatted up someone's wife at a bar. He walked over to the small dining table and sat, finding difficulty in folding his legs under it. "Did you go to that convention thing that was mentioned in the paper?" Will asked conversationally as he pulled the crust away from his sandwich and dropped it onto the plate - he might be thirty two but he wasn't desperate enough to act like it.

“Cheese is good,” she called back from the hallway, giving Dave a good pat. The rooms weren’t sized too differently, she noted. One had a window overlooking the south valley; she couldn’t imagine how beautiful it’d be during summer, on a sunny day. The perfect place to paint, she thought, ushering Will’s dog out so she could close the door behind them both.

Back in the kitchen, Dash leaned against the counter, trying not to seem impatient. “Cheers,” she said, taking her plate with a grateful smile.

The update thing usually went one way; it had been a while since either of them had had anything particularly interesting to bring up. She recalled their meeting last summer, when he’d explained a very complex love quadrangle or something to her — she felt a little guilty now for forgetting pretty much all of it. Someone played quidditch or something? Oh well. Dash took a bite of her food, brushing crumbs from her lips onto the plate afterward.

Distantly, she wondered if any of that stuff was relevant anymore — if he’d been in contact with either of the women, or if it was ancient history. She wasn’t one to pry.

“Oh, is it?” she asked. The Dasher’s had long since perfected the art of small talk, and Arden fell into an easy conversational place with her brother here. “I love Greece,” she agreed. “I’ve only really been…” She made a spirally motion with one finger, “Around it though, you know?” She’d spent a lot of time around the Med in the past couple of years, but it had mostly been for work, and she’d spent most of the time on the water.

“The Herbology one?” she asked, puzzled. “I mean, yeah? With the Uni, we went for a day of it. There’s a smaller, niche sort of magizoology one up the coast the same weekend.” She was surprised that he’d asked, and a little taken off guard because it was really the perfect segue to talk about Neville, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk about that yet, even if she was eager to. “We uh — the University — goes every second year.”

He nodded earnestly before he smiled. He wondered how different two siblings could possibly be - Arden loved the water, Will got seasick. She was easy-going and he was uptight. Dave was sniffing around the kitchen and Will offered out the crusts to his sandwich, which the Wolfhound gobbled up and glanced up at his sister.

"Did you have fun?" Will asked as he brushed his fingers on a napkin and gave his dog a scratch behind the ears. He was eager to hear all about it as he pulled the book across the small table that Raj had left behind, detailing various walks. He opened it and scanned the routes as Dave decided he was bored and stretched out on the kitchen floor with a yawn.

"It sounded interesting," he went on and he picked up a pen and marked the page with a neat little "x". Will had always liked cliff edge and mountain walks. It felt wonderful to be out of London. The pace of life up north was so much more relaxed. People stopped for a chat, smiled in passing, said hello and no one glared when asked the time - it was nice. Much greener and even prettier in the rain.

He caught her eye and smiled, closing the book and using the thumb to make the page. "What did you learn about?" He asked, meaning both lectures. Will was fine with plants. He had a couple dotted around his home but he tended to buy potions rather than make them - he had the time, he did not have the skill. "Meet many new people?"

“Yeah,” she said, nodding and recovering well from her surprise. “I mean, it was probably the least interesting part of the trip, content-wise.” And by far the most interesting in other ways. Dash glanced down at Dave, who’d stretched out in between them now that no one was giving him any little bits of food from their plate. She considered stepping over him and sitting down at the table, but she suddenly had too much energy for sitting. She hovered at the bench instead.

“Um,” what did she learn about? “Well not that much new stuff, I guess…” She took another bite of her sandwich, giving herself a moment. She shook her head when he asked if she’d met any new people, an amused smile on her lips as she brushed at a couple of crumbs. She swallowed, placing her plate on the kitchen bench beside her.

“I feel like you’re in my brain,” Dash said, covering her mouth with her free hand. Of course, Will had no idea what she was saying, so she laughed behind her palm, then shook her head at herself. She did want to share; it was just early on in their trip, and she didn’t want to seem like she was… Boasting, or something? If it was Will, she would have wanted to hear all about it, but she’d always had different standards for herself.

She sighed. “I kind of... I met someone,” she explained, eyes on her plate. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips and a moment later she had to glance up to meet his eye, to check his reaction. She felt amused at herself, and her own feelings. “It’s not, like, a thing,” she added quickly. “Not yet. I don’t know.” She shook her head again.

Will blinked at his sister as he fought the urge to frown. Maybe he'd scared her after he'd confessed the completely fucked up scenario that was his recent love life. Things were better now...sort of. At least, he wasn't any longer playing the loops of his break ups over and over again in his head at two in the morning. He'd pretty much embraced his inevitable singledom. Baby steps.

He gave a snort of laughter. "I'm your brother," he reminded Arden, as though it may have slipped her mind. "I know you," he smiled gently. Thankfully, they'd both been easy to read. Will sometimes had a hard time remembering that Arden no longer needed his help for anything. She was a grown up, a strong and capable woman - but he did still worry. She lived so far away. All of his family lived so far away from each other now.

Will promptly choked on his sandwich. His eyes widened in panic as he quickly chewed and forced the mouthful down his throat. "Sorry," he managed to say after he'd coughed and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. He'd always assumed Arden would end up with Sindri. Everybody did. They had that sort of relationship, an elastic band that might have stretched but they always sprang back to one another.

He grinned. "Oooh," he cooed at the brunette as he placed his sandwich down, enjoying the coy little smile because it assured him that she was happy. He'd missed this. Arden had been through so much as a child but she'd never stopped ploughing forward. She bloody well deserved this.  "Go on, then," Will encouraged her, elbows on the table and his chin resting in his upturned palm, his dark eyes on his sister. It wasn't quite a thing, she'd said and he raised his eyebrows in disbelief.  "Tell me all about him," he coaxed with an easy smile.

“Yeah, yeah” she said, smiling. It was kind of nice that he felt like that, even though she dropped out of contact so frequently. When she was younger, she hadn’t felt like he’d known her that well at all, but she’d still trusted him completely to care for her and protect her, if she ever needed it. Things were different nowadays; she wasn’t as emotionally unstable as she had been when she was younger, and she didn’t feel as much pressure to hide her feelings.

He choked on his sandwich, then apologised. She just waited, mildly amused, mildly embarrassed. “He’s young,” she said, offering up the first con that came to mind as if there was some need to make sure that Will knew she wasn’t announcing that she had a boyfriend or something. “Young like just twenty-two, or something. Harry Potter’s year,” she added.

Arden picked at her food for a moment, then made a decision. She stepped over Dave to sit down at the table with her brother. “Nothing’s really happened,” she told him seriously, feeling a need to impress this upon him as she placed her plate in front of her. “But we’ve seen each other a few times — not on dates, just… As friends, sort of. He’s a herbologist.” She nodded, her gaze slipping out of his again. “Then, uh. We kissed.” Will was leaned forward, so she leaned back in her chair, running a hand through her hair. “At that herbology convention.”

His first thought was oh no, he's sixteen! before Arden corrected  his train of thought. Will let out a sigh of relief as he laughed, feeling embarrassed. "It's not that young," he was quick to placate his sister with an easy smile. Will had once dated an older woman in his early twenties but that was a secret he was willing to take to his grave.

He grinned, eyebrows arched. He wanted to know what the man was like. He did not want to know what the man had done to his sister. But this was nice. Arden was happy. It had been so long since she'd taken the leap and he was both impressed and distraught by it. As the oldest, Will thought he should be setting the standard. By now, he really should have been married or, at the very least, be in a committed relationship. At least he didn't have kids.

Was he jealous? No, not at all. Did he need to up his game? Absolutely. Will nodded, prompting his sister along with a smile. "As friends," he echoed, his tone of voice betraying the sentiment. He listened in silence, his eyebrows raising, impressed with his job. At least he had a job. They were in similar fields. This man would understand Arden's schedule in a way he was sure many others wouldn't be able to.

They'd kissed, Arden said. Will would be lying if he said the idea didn't make him uncomfortable but she wasn't a teenager any more. He cleared his throat and scratched his nose, visibly uncomfortable with the revelation before he chuckled. He had a feeling something had happened since the last time he'd seen her. Sibling telepathy or something.

"Wow," he breathed out as he put his sandwich down, his dark eyes wide. "That's great," he eventually announced as he got over himself. "Do you think you two might date?" He asked Arden as Dave rolled over onto his back, causing Will to lean off his chair to scratch his belly.

Not that young? “Yeah, but the last guy I dated properly was older than you,” She commented, with a smile that was halfway between wry and teasing. Will would remember Charles Bancroft; she’d worked with him, indirectly, and they’d been sort-of-friends for a while before they dated. Then they were together for long enough that she’d met his family, and the couple had had lunch with Will once or twice. “Actually this guy works for his dad,” she said, scratching the side of her neck absentmindedly. She was pretty sure Bancroft (senior) had set her and Neville up. Which was… Weird. But.

Anyway, Charlie was about a decade older than Neville, which made Neville young in her books. She was twenty-seven next month, but already at least thirty in her mind. Will cleared his throat and Arden sat back a little in her chair. That was right; they didn’t talk about that kind of thing.

“Yeah,” she breathed, laughing just a little. She shook her head, watching fondly as Will leaned down to scratch his dog’s belly. “I don’t know. I think I’m going to see him next week, maybe.” She picked at a nail absentmindedly, stopping as she glanced down at her hands. “It’s been a little while, you know? I like him,” she added. It wasn’t necessary to say, really; it was pretty clear that she liked him. But though she hadn’t said I think I really like him, or I like him more than I thought I was going to, or I like him a lot, the sentiment was present in her words.

"He's super into, you know, plants. And he's kind of... Gentle? He seems older than he is," she said, glancing up at her brother.

At the mention, Will pulled a face. The memory of his sister dating someone older than him put him right off his sandwich. He'd actually quite forgotten all about Charles. He'd always been nice to Will but he often suspected that was simply because he wanted to nail his sister.

"Oh," he said, eyebrows arched. "Family business?" Will ventured. He liked the sound of that - trusted, honest, hardworking, good relationship with his family. The Dashers were dysfunctional at best and he'd hate for Arden to fall into another messed up family unit. This guy sounded nice and his sister looked genuinely happy to chat about him. Will couldn't even be jealous. Arden deserved this more than anyone else he knew.

His smile relaxed and he nodded in understanding. Sindri had been Arden's world for as long as he could remember. Things had gotten worse since Bear died, too. Will hadn't seen his sister's ex for, gosh, over a year? But Dash liked this new man and Will nodded along in  encouragement.

"That's fantastic," he gushed, reaching out to nudge her hand with his as he smiled. Will missed the zing! that came with a new relationship. The obsession and the excitement. The attraction and the intimacy. It was a heady mix and almost impossible to ignore.

But her new guy liked plants. Will liked plants, too. They could talk about that, he supposed. Quickly, he laughed as he leaned back in his chair, arms folded. "So do you," he commented with a smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. "He sounds great," he told Arden, keen for her to know that he approved (if that was what she was asking). "I can't wait to meet him."

“No, no,” Arden clarified quickly, “Neville works for Charlie’s dad.” It was a little awkward; she gave it a second to sink in. “Honestly I think the old guy has been trying to set us up or something. A little strange, if you ask me, but,” She shrugged, a small smile playing on her lips. It would be more awkward if she and Neville actually started dating, which was definitely a possibility. She didn’t really know how to navigate that; Neville lived in a little cottage on the Bancroft estate. Charles didn’t live there anymore, but he could be there anytime, visit his parents or something… Hmm.

“Do I?” she asked, amused. She knew she was an “old soul”. At this point it was something she’d internalised to the point where she sometimes forgot she was still in her twenties. Some of her friends wouldn’t date anyone over thirty, but Dash sometimes felt like she was already on the verge of retiring and living out her days in the woods or by the sea. She shook her head, even though she agreed.

She exhaled a small puff of air from her nose — the ghost of a laugh. “We’re so not at that stage,” Dash told him, amused again. Not yet, her mind provided for her helpfully, even as she tried to dismiss it. It was early on and barely anything had happened yet. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself. (And yet…)

“Anyway, that’s my news,” She said with a small shrug, closing the topic. It wasn’t a huge deal — some people kissed someone new every weekend — but she could already tell that she really liked this guy. She brushed some crumbs off of her chest absentmindedly, trying not to lean too heavily into her feelings.