[hogwarts express] apastron | billie

apastron (noun);
the point of maximum separation between two stars in a binary star system

saturday the 19th of June, 2004

There had been a part of Killian that had been -- not hoping, not praying, but wishing, just wishing -- that things would fall back into normalcy on their own. That term would run the rest of its course, and the stress of OWLs would steamroll over the mess left in the wake of the Maidstone party, laying down new tar and making the road smooth again. Killian denied that part of him, of course -- it would be too much to nurse that hope like a flower in the greenhouse. Killian didn't have a knack for Herbology. His term project plants wilted every time.

They had studied, yes, and patrolled together when it was inevitable, but things didn't slide neatly back into place. There were jagged edges where he and Billie fit together now, scraping and scratching at each other. He hated it. It hadn't helped when, just last night, he had dueled Rowen Reinhardt in the corridor. It was like Killian couldn't stop antagonizing Ravenclaw house, one member at a time. It was only a matter of time until Barbie dropped him, if things didn't change. At least the girls still had his back -- Mavis was a balm to his soul, making the last month and change more bearable.

Now, the weight of OWLs replaced with the weight of his trunk, it was time for Killian to go home.

His mind wandered during the Prefect meeting at the front of the train -- last rounds for the year, those who would be continuing next year would be contacted over the summer, the reverse of the first meeting Killian had in this car in September. He nodded along, eyes drifting to the trunk stowed above Head Boy Clare's head. There was a zine stowed there, an add within for a radio show that still tugged at Killian's interest. He look sidelong at Billie, wondering if she still wanted to listen. Or if she had listened alone. Or if Phillip had listened with her.

The meeting ended. Killian hung back -- he had time before his shift, since he had volunteered for one of the last rounds. He had time to let the car empty out before finding Mavis and Nola. He looked out the window for a moment, rolling Scottish moors drifting by with the ch-ch-ch of the train on the tracks. He looked back up. Billie was there. A heartstring twisted. "Hi," Killian said, then, "Aren't you going to find Barbie?" Rowen's name drifted on the back of his tongue, unspoken and swallowed.

This was it; the year had come to an end.

Having all of the prefects in one small compartment was mildly stressful for Billie. Marin Clare told them all they’d done a good job this year, but she’d felt like his gaze had skipped right past her as he glanced around the compartment. For the past five months it had felt quite awkward to be around the head boy, but orse still was Wini, who Billie did her best to actively avoid after the time the older blonde had confronted her once in the bathrooms. She was sitting across and to the right of Billie now. The Ravenclaw made sure not to look at her.

And then there was Ki. They were fine, she supposed, but things were still strange, there.

The past couple of months for Billie had just been prefect duties, studying, quiet panic attacks in empty classrooms on her way from one thing to another, more studying, more duties, and so on. She hadn’t really had time to spend with any of her friends anyway. Billie felt like she was in first year again, completely unsure of how to read everyone, completely unsure of how she fit into everything. Her anxiety had her second guessing her own interpretations of events over and over.

And of course, Phillip had graduated now.

Billie got to her feet as the others did, but she lingered and let those who were leaving go out first. Would Marin and Wini be off to find Phillip, now? Would they all sit together on the way back? Her heart hurt to think of how much he’d hated Hogwarts, how glad he must be to be rid of it all.

She’d been almost glad for the stress of impending exams; despite getting hardly any sleep at all these past couple of months, and being in a constant state of medium-to-high-level panic for weeks, at least she hadn’t had to think about how badly she’d messed things up. Not with Phillip, or Ki, or the other Gryffindors (probably), or, well, even Rowen, she supposed, after last night.

The blonde took a step towards the door of the compartment, but found herself lingering instead. Killian was still sitting there, his gaze far out the window. She wondered what he was thinking, and felt a little sheepish and bashful when he glanced up to find her watching him.

“Hello,” Billie replied politely, a tentative smile appearing at his greeting. He didn’t need to say hello, she thought; they’d been here together this whole time. “Oh, yes, I think so,” Billie said, glancing towards the door for a moment. She assumed Barbara would be with Rowen, and felt glad for the excuse not to be with them right now. She was lingering here to be away from them (one of them in particular that was, and it wasn’t poor Barbara).

Well, not just to be away from Rowen.

“Perhaps in a minute,” she said. She didn’t ask explicitly if she could stay, or if he had a moment for her, but the question was definitely there between them for a beat, before she spoke next. “How are you doing today?” she asked, trying to look only the appropriate-level of concerned. She’d already subtly given him a once-over (okay, maybe a twice- or thrice-over) when she’d first seen him this morning. Made sure he still had all of his fingers and whatnot. Billie resisted the urge to do it again right now.