heaven in hiding · { meike }

Kristina Lazareva was sprawled across the bed of Meike Mia Rosenthal, blonde hair surrounding her like more of a bird’s nest than a halo. Somewhere between arrival and awakening, she had fallen asleep while her friend busied herself with some extra work and light reading. Blinking away the sleep from her pale blue eyes, she rolled over onto her side, curling her legs and resting her hand lightly on one of Meike’s pillows.

Across from her sat her friend at an organized desk. Kristina took in the girl’s fit but tiny form, the waves of her hair, the focussed expression she wore as she peered at her book. A small smile tugged at her lips before she redirected her gaze to the ceiling, returning to laying on her back.

Kristya was mostly happy. They were back to a comfortable routine somehow, still both obviously avoiding talking about things that probably should be talked about, but content; she supposed she was content with this, at least. It was so much better than not speaking, not knowing where they stood. She would settle for this blurry friendship over that haunting uncertainty any day.

Sitting up, Kristina plucked the pillow from behind her head and propped herself against the headboard, clinging closely to the soft plushness and bringing her knees to her chest. She was overwhelmed with a fresh, clean scent and closed her eyes for the briefest of moments before looking at Meike again. “What are you up to?” she questioned, moving a hand to her hair to run her fingers through it in a measly attempt to neaten it up. “Sorry for falling asleep,” she said sheepishly right before a soft yawn left her lips. “Was a good nap, though.”

“Oh, I’m just…” Meike glanced down at the parchment she’d been studying, cracking a smile and then wrinkling her nose “…catching up on some international environmental legislation.” The brunette laughed a little, knowing that her friend had absolutely no interest in what she’d just said. “…Bulgaria, Latvia, Slovakia and a bunch of other countries just joined the European Environment Agency in the muggle world and it’s having an impact on the way their magical ministries are interacting too.” Meike wasn’t sure if she was fascinated by it or if her interest was only bred by the fact that she could understand it. She shrugged. “It’s for my internship.”

It had taken some time, but after some of their weirder interactions, the Krov housemates had eventually fallen back together. It was hard not to be friends with someone you saw literally every day, especially when they were funny and lovely to be around. The fact that Meike had been dating Rane for almost seven months had helped, she thought. It dispelled some of her more confusing feelings and while she’d ended up breaking up with him at the end of term, spending time with him had been nice while it lasted.

“Don’t apologise,” Meike said, pushing her chair back and tucking her papers to one side neatly. The girl tucked some strands of her wavy hair behind her ears and moved to the bed, taking a seat at the end opposite her friend. “My parents sent a fire message. They’re not coming home tonight.” She shrugged, then folded her legs and got comfy. Her parents were often away at this function or that work conference. Sometimes they were away together and sometimes they were away individually. Meike and Moritz spent a lot of time alone. "You're still good to stay over though, if your parents are cool with that." Meike's parents expected her to be autonomous but she knew that not all of her peers were afforded such respect and responsibilities by their parents.

“Sounds… interesting.” Kristina smiled, knowing her friend would understand that she was only substituting the word boring. There was once a time when Kristya was an overachiever and she wondered momentarily if - had she not buckled under pressure - she would be in the same position as Meike: choosing between internships, juggling several clubs, maintaining perfect grades, a social life, and athletics. It all sounded so hectic that the thought made her nauseated, and she decided that while there was still a bit of guilt for her shortcomings, she was somewhat relieved to have those weights lifted from her shoulders. “How’s that going?” Kristina asked, referring to her friend’s internship. “Do you like it?”

She waited for an answer as Meike moved from her spot at the desk to the opposite end of the bed. Her chest swelled with a mixture of happiness and anxiety at their closer proximity but she ignored it, vaguely bothered by the fact that the bit of nervousness that seemed to come with being around Meike never seemed to completely vanish. Still, she found it easier to return to normalcy than before, and slipped into her easygoing persona.

“You’re inviting me to spend the night? How scandalous.” Kristina wiggled her eyebrows dramatically before laughing. In the past, sometimes she found herself having to hold back with jokes like this one. She second guessed a lot of her statements. But, she knew that to feel more comfortable with Meike, she’d have to be able to speak freely. Besides, she told herself, words were empty. As long as she repressed the desire to act on a lot of her feelings, and stayed away from touchy territory, she could have a good laugh about the topic. Play it off with humor as she preferred to do. Stretching her legs, she gave a casual shrug of her shoulders. “Yeah, I’ll stick around. My parents won’t mind.”

“What about yours?” she asked, suddenly becoming aware of the fact that she knew little of Meike’s parents or the girl’s relationship with them. “And Moritz?”

Meike wrinkled her nose again. Interesting? Okay, maybe not. “The internship is going well. I don’t know if like is the right word though,” Meike laughed a light, melodic laugh. Her parents had organised these ministry internships for the past couple of years and sometimes she did this sort of work when she was home for the shorter breaks too. Her parents took her along to ministry events to network. Her mother always chose the most classy, feminine dresses and either gushed about her collarbones and shoulder blades or told her she must have been eating so much she looked pregnant. “It’s just work I guess.” More work.

The brunette rolled her eyes at her friend’s comment, but a lazy half smile appeared on her face. Kristya’s flirty comments always made her a little uncomfortable, but she also knew that this was just how Kristina behaved. It had been a little easier to deflect when she’d been with Rane but that was over now. Anyway, Meike didn’t let her discomfort show this time. Cool girl, she thought. Self-control is key.

“Oh yeah they’re fine. They let us make our own decisions all the time.” Sort of. Meike’s parents were all about high-pressure and high high-expectations. Meike might have been allowed to do “whatever she wanted” but there was a lot that was expected of her. Perfect grades, perfect body, perfectly polite, clever and beautiful. Perfect daughter. “Moritz won’t care.” Meike had had friends stay over before. Not very often, it was true, but it had happened. She and @Moritz Rosenthal treated each other respectfully too, never encroaching on each others’ space or demanding too much of each other.

“Are you hungry?” She asked, tilting her head to the side a little, strands of brown hair sliding from her slender shoulder. “We could cook something? Or we could always go out, I mean, it’s only like five o’clock or something, right? And my parents aren’t coming back.”

More work. Kristina nodded, a worried expression flashing across her features before she covered it with a sympathetic smile. “I’m glad it’s going well at least,” she replied. Sometimes, when she gave thought to all that Meike did, she felt the need to interrogate her. It was hard to fathom that someone out there could do it all - could balance such a heavy workload without batting an eye. Did it never become overwhelming? How did she old it together? There was a feeling of envy and admiration that bubbled within her whenever she found the time to give thought to her friend’s situation. How? she wondered.

Supportive parents sounded like the key. Kristina knew little of Mike’s parents, but the amount of trust they seemed to put in their children made it seem like they shared a good relationship. Kristya smiled, thinking of the improvements she had made with her own parents. That was good, then. Surely their support must have taken some of the stress away. “That’s cool.” Her eyes darted to the door momentarily.

Instinctively, a hand fell to her stomach but she didn’t feel any hunger pangs. The second option sounded appealing and caught her attention instantly. “An adventure!” Kristya perked up, replacing the pillow behind her and pulling herself out of the bed, intertwining her fingers before raising her arms to stretch. “Where would we go?” She turned on her toes to face her friend.

“We could floo into Berlin or something?” Meike blinked, seriousness in her expression as she mentally calculated the logistics of such a trip. They’d take their wands to make sure they had access to wizarding Berlin. They’d tell Moritz where they were going. Meike’s parents probably wouldn’t approve, but she knew that they’d be out so she didn’t really care. Meike wasn’t one to break rules, but there weren’t any rules about not being able to leave the house.

Meike moved to her cupboard, opening out the folding doors and having a look at what was inside. “I have some extra clothes in here if you want to try anything.” Kristina wasn’t as thin as she was, but none of Meike’s clothes hugged her body so that wouldn’t be a problem. The brunette scanned the cupboard with pale green eyes, her gaze hovering momentarily on the more fitting and revealing clothes her mother bought her that she’d neatly shoved to one side.

“You know, I think my brother has a crush on you,” she said, grabbing a couple of things out of the cupboard. She’d caught Moritz’ lingering glance once or twice this trip and couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Kristina started dating her brother. For a little while there, the girl had wanted nothing more than for Kristya to disappear from her life forever, but with time - and Rane as a buffer, probably - things had gotten back to normal. A little self-consciously, Meike pulled off her long-sleeved top revealing the white singlet underneath. It clung to the sharp lines of her shoulder blades and ribs. Quickly, the girl pulled on a looser black t-shirt over the top.

“Let’s do it!” The thought of an impromptu trip was exciting to Kristina and her eyes were alight with wonder. It was a deep contrast to Mike’s more adult-like demeanour. She shuffled over to the doorway leading into Meike’s room where she had left her shoes and slid them on her feet. Her eyes then followed the direction of the sound that was the opening of cupboards and she nodded - which she abruptly ceased doing at Mike’s next statement. Eyes widening, it wasn't long before the blonde began snorting with laughter.

“What?” she asked in disbelief, shaking her head. “There’s no way he does. I would know, wouldn’t I?” She paused in her laughter to think back on most of her interactions with Moritz. Had she missed the obvious during their little exchanges? It was odd to think about, especially when she associated Moritz with Meike, and her feelings for the two were at two completely separate and disparate places. She rubbed her knuckles with her other hand, suddenly not finding it so funny. It was almost weird to think about.

“Wow,” she said breathlessly. “I guess I know how you must have felt when I told you about Milan,” she teased, turning away once she realized that Meike was changing. “I don’t know what I would do if he said anything to me himself,” she confessed, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “How did you react when Rane told you?” Kristina bit her lip immediately after asking, unsure of whether it was a topic she could bring up. She turned to look at Meike again. “Sorry… are you okay with talking about him?”

She realized now that she didn't even really know much about Meike’s relationship. At one point she actively avoided talking about it, not liking the emotions that would suddenly crop up once it was mentioned. It was easier to talk about now that it was no longer a thing, but it just occurred to her that while she may had suddenly become comfortable with discussing Rane, Meike was probably not in the same place. He was her first boyfriend after all; wasn't that kind of thing supposed to be special or something? She pressed her lips together, eyes downcast.

“Would you though?” Meike asked coolly, shooting her friend a teasing look before getting back to what she was doing. Kristina was a pretty girl; Meike knew it. Everyone did. The blonde attracted admiring looks from time to time and Meike doubted she noticed all of them. She probably just thought that that was how people looked at her. Meike pulled her shirt on, glad that Kristya had turned away even if she wasn’t stripping down to her underwear.

The brunette glanced up as Kristina mentioned Rane. Meike felt a little guilty; she’d avoided him a little after their breakup. “Yeah it’s okay, really,” she said, nodding. It had all been a very mature affair. Out walking in the grounds with snow crunching underfoot, Meike had admitted that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. She’d said things like I’m just so busy and I want to be friends and other true but cliche lines. After seven months of clandestine kisses and nights spend studying, hands touching, she’d broken up with him. And he’d been sad - sadder than she’d expected - and that was why she’d avoided him.

The parts she missed were all there before they’d started dating anyway. She missed late night conversations and the feeling of someone really caring about her thoughts and wellbeing. She missed him and all of the depths of his personality that she’d gotten to explore when they were together. The parts she didn’t miss included her lack of independence - she’d quickly given up on finding time for herself - and him slowing her down when they exercised together and the absolute nightmare that was scheduling.

“It was a bit different for us because we were friends and, I mean, he kissed me,” she said with a shrug, drawing her long hair up into a high ponytail and wrapping a band around it twice. Meike glanced in the small mirror she kept on her desk. Her mother had tried and failed to get her to keep a full-length mirror in her room. She adjusted her ponytail. “You remember,” she said, glancing over at her friend again as she pulled her socks on.

It was nice to know that Meike was not too bothered by the topic; relieving, in different ways that she chose not to dwell on. Kristina shifted from heel to toe as she waited for her friend to finish getting ready, her voice distant as she answered, “Yeah, I remember.”

Once Meike’s socks and shoes were on, Kristya shuffled out of the room, suddenly a lot more eager to get moving. Her eyes lingered on Moritz’s door for a split second before she moved on, allowing Meike to inform him of their plans for the evening in privacy - privacy that was unnecessary, but an excuse to avoid a possible uncomfortable interaction with him. She could feel herself already reading into any glance he would shoot in her direction now that Meike had planted a seed in her head.

When her friend rejoined her in the hallway, Kristina grinned and walked towards the entry of the house, only stopping as they passed the kitchen. “Wait,” she said, turning on her heels to enter the room, “Before we go on our trip, we should bring something - some food or something.” Kristya rummaged through the Rosenthals’ cupboards as if they were her own, moving from one set to the next in search of some light snacks to take along with them. Knowing that Meike’s parents wouldn’t be around made her feel like freedom was in the palm of their hands; if it were up to her, they’d be gone for a good chunk of the night.

She paused after opening a particular cupboard then threw a look at Meike before slowly pulling out a bottle of wine, as if it were a secret she had discovered. Kristina wasn’t a heavy drinker, or much of a drinker at all, but the high of doing something independent like travelling in Berlin on their own made her feel adventurous. “What if we brought this along?”

Meike tied her shoes, fast fingers moving efficiently. The girl straightened her ponytail in her mirror before ducking out to join her friend, then went to tell her brother about their plans. The brunette went and tapped on his bedroom door, dutifully waiting for a response before opening it. The Rosenthal family was so very polite, she thought vaguely. Meike wondered what it would be like to walk in on him doing something he didn’t want her to see and then wrinkled her nose at the first thought that came to mind.

“We’re going out,” she told him with a quick smile, “We’re getting dinner, we’ll probably be a couple of hours. There’s plenty of food in the cupboards; I picked up a few more things this morning.” Even though they were the same age, Meike had always been the one who looked after her brother. She didn’t know why exactly, but it probably had something to do with the way their parents treated them and habits she’d formed as a young kid and the more mature one of the two. Nowadays, Meike was incredibly protective of her brother despite the distance she carved between them. “See you later,” she added, closing the door softly behind her and making her way to the kitchen.

When she saw what her friend was taking from the cupboard, Meike raised one eyebrow. The brunette drank wine with her parents at dinner or special occasions. She’d been to ministry events where she’d had a glass of wine or two, but past that? Nothing. Meike Mia Rosenthal was the girl who hung out with the cool kids that stole alcohol and got drunk and made out at parties, but she wasn’t really one of them. Meike played this sort of chill side-character to their escapades.

Still, it was hard to say no with Kristina looking at her like that. Something else lingered under the surface, too. Some kind of reluctance to disappoint the other girl or to make her think less of Meike. After their weird period of not speaking, Meike didn’t want to encourage any bad feelings. She laughed a light, melodic laugh. “Sure,” she said, amused mock-disapproval in her voice. “Why not?”

Shaking her head, Meike grabbed a small backpack for the wine and led Kristina to the family’s fireplace. It was quite a modern house, heated and powered with magic and the fireplace was tucked away in a back room away from the rest of the house. Her thoughts wandered back to Kristya’s question about Rane and their relationship. It almost seemed surreal that it had gone on so long. “He was sadder than I thought he’d be,” she admitted quietly, continuing the conversation from a minute ago as they stepped into her fireplace.

“Perfect,” she cooed, placing the bottle on the counter and continuing to look about for other small snacks. When she found a few, she placed them alongside the bottle and then gathered everything into her arms. Smiling, she approached Meike and dumped them into the small backpack she’d brought. Then, she took the bag from her friend and slung a strap over her shoulder. They were officially ready now. Pleased, Kristina obediently followed Meike to her fireplace.

Eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a split second as she registered what Meika was talking about. Realizing that she had backtracked to their previous conversation, Kristya frowned slightly, letting out a quiet “Oh.” She didn’t really know what to say. Her feelings towards Meike and Rane’s relationship had been mixed, to say the least. She considered them both to be friends and resultantly was glad for their happiness, but she couldn’t deny that there were nights that her heart seemed to sink into her stomach at the thought of them together. She didn’t want either of them to be sad, and so she was not happy to hear about their break up, but she had experienced something akin to relief and that made her feel guilty.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she responded, still frowning. “Do you… do you speak often? Maybe you could write to him?” She had no experience with relationships. Would writing be too awkward, too… distant, when most of their interactions had been so close and personal? Had they said all that needed to be said before parting for the summer? “How are you feeling about it?”

Travelling by floo was always one of Meike’s favourite ways to travel. It was just so efficient, and she’d always liked the smell. It reminded her of travelling to new places. Getting out of the house. The girls ducked into the fireplace and disappeared in a flash of green flame, exiting in one of the public fireplaces of wizarding Berlin. The streets were busy with people enjoying the relatively warm night and the place was loud with chatter.

“Not really,” Meike said, stepping out of the fireplace on the other end and brushing a little ash from her clothes. She started walking slowly, following a familiar path without really deciding on a destination. “I’m sure we will again, but we haven’t spoken all summer and after we broke up… I don’t know, I guess I maybe avoided him a little.” She’d been polite, of course. No ducking into random corridors at the sight of him or avoiding making eye contact or anything like that. Just some good old extra exercise in the mornings and at night. Turning up to classes and breakfast early so she’d be seated with other people by the time he got there. Meike wasn’t malicious, she just didn’t want things to be awkward. Didn’t want to make him feel worse.

“I guess it’s kind of sad but…” Meike shrugged, not entirely sure how she felt about it. There was a reason she’d told Rane that she’d wanted to just be friends, wasn’t there? “I guess in another way it’s a bit of a relief.” She gave her friend a sidelong glance. “You know how busy I am,” she reminded her gently, “sometimes it’s hard work to be responsible for someone else and be aware of their wants and feelings all the time, you know?” Meike shook her head. Rane wasn’t a sore subject exactly, but talking about him made her feel a little guilty. She wondered how he was doing at the end of last term but she hadn’t really checked, not sure whether her presence would be helpful or even wanted. It was strange to be close to someone and then for that to end.

“But what about you?” The brunette asked, flashing a lazy smile once again. “Any boys I should know about?” Any girls? Meike glanced up at their environment, her pale green eyes roaming the large wooden signs denoting various names of bars and restaurants and takeaway food places. “Kristya, you don’t speak any German, do you?” She asked, not really having thought about it before. She looked back at her friend. “How about English or French?”

The sensation of travelling by floo powder was not one Kristina would ever be fond of. In fact, she disliked any form of travel that wasn’t a portkey. She always had to remind herself to hold her breath to keep soot out of her lungs or to keep her elbows tucked in safely. With a deep inhalation, she closed her eyes and braced herself before entering the fireplace with Meike and naming their destination.

When they stepped out, she exhaled and blinked in rapid succession, then looked around her, watching as people bustled about. Kristya held tightly onto the straps of her backpack and took it all in with innocent wonder, eyes crinkling at the corners as her mouth curved into a small smile. She followed behind Meike with short steps, looking around but listening intently. “I guess that makes sense.” She wore a thoughtful expression. “It gets kind of awkward when you don’t know where you stand with someone.” Her teeth latched onto her lower lip when she finished talking, and she hoped that Meike didn’t see it as an attack; the statement did apply to them as well, she supposed, but she wasn’t trying to be facetious.

As Meike continued on, Kristina nodded. She was busy a lot. Kristya could agree that that was a good enough justification. Probably. Her knowledge on relationships was limited, and situations like this one — listening to what her friends dealt with — was the only sort of knowledge she really had. She tried to compare Meike and Rane to Milan and Tanya but promptly wrinkled her nose at the thought. Milan and Tanya were less talk, more slobbery kisses. Not a pretty image. At Meike’s question, she shook her head, a light rosy hue colouring her cheeks. Distracting herself with their surroundings so she wouldn’t have to look directly at the girl, “Nothing of interest here yet. Sorry.”

She smiled sheepishly, glancing at the signs that she couldn’t understand. “Not a word,” she admitted in a slightly apologetic tone. “But I’m fluent in English, and I’m fairly decent with French and Bulgarian. I’m out of practice, though.” The explanation brought her back to her younger years when she would be holed up with a tutor, trying to cram different phrases in her head while simultaneously memorizing magical theories she’d read about the night before.

Meike couldn't help but glance her friend's way when she mentioned not knowing where she stood. The brunette didn't speak about it, but she remembered those hours in the greenhouse, caught in a freak storm. She remembered stomping out into the snow, her lips and fingertips blue from the cold and her hair flecked with white. She remembered the anger and the indignation and the stress of wanting something more but not wanting to feel it. But that had been over a year ago now. She'd focussed on her studies. She'd dated her friend Rane. These things had happened in the space between now and then and every event had put distance between her current self and those feelings. That was in the past.

"Lots of people here speak english," she said, "and there are some signs in english. Wizarding Germany is covered in French too because half of our country goes to Beauxbatons." Meike herself spoke French. Her mother had taught her how to. Sometimes the brunette wondered what life would have been like if she and her brother had ended up going to the French school. She didn't think either of her parents would have been happy with it, and now that she was a Durmstrang student, Meike couldn't really imagine her life with classes like dancing and music and whatever else those french kids got up to.

"Lets get gnocci," she said, spotting a place serving delicious pasta. "We can get it takeaway and go sit in the park." Meike didn't mention the wine that Kristya had stolen from her parents' stash, but knowing that it was a factor, Meike had chosen a destination for them that would allow them to drink in secret. She'd been reluctant to decline her friend's suggestion, but they might as well organise their deviancy in a way that was actually practical. The brunette translated for her friend as they ordered and soon after they were heading towards a nearby park in the wizarding district of Berlin. The air was crisp but not too cold and soon they'd found a nice spot under a tree. It wasn't too light here, but that suited Meike just fine. Alcohol laws for minors in wizarding Germany were pretty lax but they were still too young to get away with drinking in the open.

Meike took off her jacket and draped it across a grassy spot quickly before sitting on top of it. Carefully, she opened the boxes containing their food and helped her friend unpack her backpack, wine and all. "So Koldovstoretz is de-merging. All of those protests and parent letters seemed to work, huh?" Meike's own parents had sent in letters. The brunette poured them both a glass of wine and then picked her one up to toast her friend. "Cheers?" she offered, smiling in the dark.

While Meike spoke and explained, Kristina nodded and ‘mm’ed’ while looking about, taking in the stores, the signs, the people, the scents. As her stomach gave a low rumble, she followed the brunette’s gaze to the quaint little restaurant and gave an enthusiastic nod, making her way over and explaining to Meike what she wanted. She could feel her stomach practically opening up when they received the food, and once they were in the park, she settled against the bark of a large tree and helped Meike get everything together before finally digging in.

As they ate, he gaze would occasionally flicker to the wine and she was admittedly a little surprised when Meike poured them two glasses; though the other girl had agreed to bringing it, Kristina wasn’t sure if she would actually be able to convince her to have some. Meike was cool, but Kristina also saw her as responsible, careful. She picked up her glass, raised it, and smiled. “Cheers.”

After taking a few sips, she rested it back down on the grass and peered up at the sky which was coloured with soft hues. “What are your thoughts on that?” she asked, turning a curious gaze to her friend. “The merge ending, I mean.”