seems electric ; never coming down { JR }

FEB

Despite the February chill, Tomie was buzzing as she and JR made their way back from the quidditch pitch. She couldn’t feel the cold at all.

They’d done some sporadic practising together these past few months, here and there. Less before the Gryffindor-Slytherin match of course because, well, mortal enemies and all, but a little more now. Their positions on the field were so unrelated that it was almost just an excuse to hang out and show off in the air anyway. This time, though, JR hadn’t even brought any balls or equipment at all, like he was supposed to. He’d said they should should just practise flying and in-air moves instead. He’d said it might help clear her head.

He’d been right.

Tomie loved flying. She really felt comfortable in the air, and her very Gryffindorish lack of — or maybe enjoyment of — fear really lended itself to pushing boundaries. The more she pushed herself, the more comfortable she felt being upside down, flying straight down, or straight up into the sky. The more she pushed herself, the less she felt like she needed to care about such unimportant things as the hardness of the ground or the distance to it. When it was good, it felt the way she imagined it might feel to fly in space or something; no ups or downs, no directional touchstones, just her and her broom and enough acceleration to ignore worldly forces. Gravity couldn’t touch her.

It had felt like that today, and, despite everything else that seemed to be going wrong in her life, Tomie was yet to come down from the high of it all.

“What was that side-spin-loop thing you did called again?” Tomie asked, walking backwards ahead of him, a little out of breath still. It wasn’t snowing, but the ground was icy; the grass crunched underneath her shoes as she bounced along. Her heavy breathing left little puffs of mist. “That was neat,” she commented. JR was so much better at the whole throwing and catching part of quidditch than she was, but they hadn’t had a quaffle today — just their bodies and their brooms. For showy flying, Tomie thought she had him beat. He still surprised her, though.

When they got to the doors, she leaned on one, pushing it open with her shoulder and letting JR through before following him in. “So, are you busy now, or…?” She gave him a hopeful smile, hoping that he was free. She’d been in such a shitty space recently, with so many things going wrong, that she wasn’t quite ready to let go of the good vibes the past hour had created.

JR felt like he hadn't ever wanted to come down off his broom, even if it was chilly and his ears stung with the cold because he hadn't wanted to flatten his hair with a hat or earmuffs. Lately, flying had become an escape. Flying but not practicing, not training. Just flying. It was why he 'forgot' to bring the equipment that he said he would when he and Tomie had said they would meet on the pitch today. He hadn't wanted to analyze his every move, every Slytherin offensive play so instead he had challenged her to some fancy trick flying, knowing full well in the back of his mind that she would probably outshow him. And she did, much to his frustration. He was half glad no one else had been out on the pitch to see Tomie best him in almost every move.

But Tomie always had that way of distracting him and he found that momentary peace in the smiles she flashed at him as the cold wind whipped around them.

When the Gryff complained, as usual, about being hungry, they both touched down and that feeling dimmed, but he clung to it even as his worries came back to him. He had told Tomie that maybe flying would help clear her mind, but he had also said it because he hoped it would help himself too. It had for a little while at least.

JR held his broom at his side, the twig perfectly balanced as he held it in the center, feeling light in his hand as he followed her back up to the castle. "The Arabian twist," he answered, namely the move they had both attempted, meeting her gaze as she walked backwards in her usual fashion. "You almost had it. If you practiced a little more, you would be able to do the full spin. I saw a team once do it synchronized when I was at an exhibition with my da. We were in his suite too so had great view of all the formations. You'd like it, we should go sometime."

Speaking of his Wyatt Sr brought back thoughts of the recent letter that his father had written to him about the poor showing JR had had at the last Slytherin quidditch match. He tried not to focus on it like he had been the past few days. He wanted to hold on to the high of flying with Tomie a little while longer.

The Slytherin turned his shoulders, stepping in around Tomie, as the warmth of the castle greeted them. He set one end of his broom down and leaned it against his shoulder so he could rub his hands together. He hadn't realized how cold they had gotten until he had gotten inside. JR glanced over at Tomie, an automatic smile but a small one curving up his lips as she gave him a hopeful look. "No, not busy. Meeting up with Bean later to do our Transfig project," he told her with a glance at the Great Hall. "Let's grab a snack?"

“Wicked,” Tomie said, trying to imagine a whole team doing the move together. Something to think about for when she was captain, she thought distantly, the idea filed away for the far future. “Yeah,” she breathed, smiling at the idea of going to an exhibition match with him. The quidditch stuff and the wealth thing was… Well it was weird for Tomie. Even after knowing him, being friends with him, for a year and a half now, it was still weird. JR threw that kind of stuff out so casually — we should go sometime — and he really didn’t understand the disparity in weight it held for each of them. But. The thought was momentary, popping up in her brain and out of it just as fast.

The door shut slowly behind her and the girl immediately felt too hot. “Oh, you’re with Bren on that?” she asked, shrugging her jacket off quickly, pushing up her sleeves when she could. Her fingers and nose still felt numb, it was a weird sensation. “I’m with Benny.” Of course. Tomie grinned a toothy grin when he suggested grabbing a snack, excited, as usual, by the idea of food. She’d only had an apple earlier this morning. An apple!! Honestly, she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t passed out yet.

With her jacket tied loosely around her waist, Tomie followed JR to the hall. Naturally, they made a beeline for the food. “I was gonna write some V-day notes this morning, for tomorrow,” she said, talking around the half a croissant that was in her mouth already, “wanna join? Was just gonna find an empty crafroom or umthing.” She stopped, swallowed, then spoke again. She hadn’t even sat down yet. “Empty classroom,” she said, a little sheepish, but mostly unabashed.

A thrill shot through him as she seemed to like the idea of going to an exhibition with him. He wondered when the next one was, maybe he could owl his dad to get them tickets during spring break. Wait. Scratch that. He didn't think Wyatt Sr. would do that right now, not with how JR had performed during the last game. He could just hear it now: An exhibition match? You should be more focused on your receiving skills and your two-way play.

JR tried not to frown at the thought. He nodded at her question and then rolled his eyes for effect. Of course she was with Benny. He slid his gaze to her slowly. He was feeling terrible about himself, but why waste such a perfect opportunity. "So he'll be doing all the work then?" he teased. Not that he had much to say in that department as he was terrible too, but Benny and Bean were both better than him in the Transfig department. Of course he had immediately agreed when his friend had asked to partner up. There was no downside for him on that.

The Slytherin unzipped his jacket as they entered the Great Hall and eyed the food set out on the table, taking a little longer to decide what the wanted than Tomie had. He wanted a croissant slathered with butter or a pastry dusted with white powder, but his father's voice rang in his head again. He ended up with an apple, stashing a banana for later in his pocket. "Hmm?" JR asked, glancing at Tomie, before it belatedly clicked what she had said.  "Sure," he said with a shrug. Not that he was going to write very many, but he didn't have anything else to do other than the quidditch drills he should be doing in his dorm. "I think they left some cards out there," he said with a nod toward the entrance hall as he grabbed an extra croissant and wrapped it in a napkin. Not for himself though. It was for Tomie when she inevitably started feeling hungry again.

Tomie scoffed, her hand snapping out to clip his arm with her fist. A moment later, though: “Actually that wouldn’t be too bad, y’know. More time for practise.” She kept it light; it was so easy to circle back constantly to quidditch with him, but it was clear that neither of them really wanted to talk about their last matches. Tomie did’t really understand why he didn’t — his first game had gone so well — but whatever. She was happy not to get into specifics.

Like her friend, the young witch grabbed extra food. A banana in the pocket, a bit of toast to eat while she was walking. She finished off her croissant, assuming that they weren’t going to actually sit down to eat, then used a fork to plop one of the fried eggs onto her piece of toast. She could feel the demanding need to eat something receding as she filled up, and she enjoyed the sensation of no longer being hungry. Hogwarts food was pretty good, she thought. Definitely not enough rice for her liking, and not enough salt or spices generally — it was mostly white people food — but it would definitely do.

“Cool lets grab ‘em,” Tomie said, tilting her head back a bit as she bit into her toast, some yolk running down her chin. She ate a little faster to avoid dropping it everywhere as they turned around, heading back out the way they came. When she was done, she brushed crumbs off of her clothes; she’d made a bit of a mess. “I think I’m gonna try write one to everyone.” Hazel’s face appeared in her mind. Gleeful and evil, of course. “Well, all my friends. Are you gonna write any?” she asked curiously. If JR had a girl he liked, maybe she could help with the Valentine’s day note. She was reminded briefly of the time he’d written her a note, and hid a smirk.

He smirked at her scoff, feeling her light punch on his arm and gave her a swift, nudging elbow to the side. He roughhoused with Tomie almost as much as he did with Benny, maybe more so. He nodded at the thought of more practice. Yeh, just what he needed. More time to up his game back to the level he had been on in the first match. JR thought of the next Slytherin quiddtich match with anticipation and a lingering anxiety. Why was it like this? All he had dreamed about last term as a first year was to be on teh team and getting a spot on the main roster had felt like the best moment of his life. Why did everything have to be so difficult.

The Slytherin bit into his apple neatly, the crunching sound seeming loud in his ears as he watched her pile up food, tapping his foot a little impatiently. "Everyone?" he asked sliding his glance toward her. "Why?" he added as he pushed open the door of the Great Hall and held it open for Tomie before turning to search the entrance hall for the notes someone had mentioned. He nodded toward the stack as some giggly Hufflepuffs stole a stack larger than he thought was necessary and scurried off toward the basement.

He couldn't think of anything to write to any of their friends, even Benny or Bean. Even Tomie. Plus he had swore off note writing to girls after the last disaster. If one more of their year mates made a joke about writing him a note, he was going to hex someone. "Nope," he answered easily. "I don't write notes," he told her as he leaned against the little table where the cards were set as he waited for her to grab her stack. He left out the 'anymore' from his sentence and tried not to cringe at the memory of the last little note fiasco.

Tomie grabbed a handful of papers, stuffing them into her pocket alongside the banana. “I dunno,” she returned, “it’s fun? The school only organises mass note-sending once per year?” She was trying to make sure everyone she was friends with was still her friend after the whole LESBIAN thing? No need to voice that last one, she decided in the nick of time. In the announcements about the Valentine’s day notes, they’d said people should send notes to their friends too, not just their crushes, anyway. So that was what she was going to do!

“Ta,” she said as he opened the door, wiping a little breakfast off of her lip with a knuckle. His nope came back quickly and Tomie resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She shook her head instead, an amused smile on her lips. “JR, you know you’re so…” Tomie frowned a little, still smiling, trying to find the word. It didn’t come straight away, and she thought about it a little more as they walked up some stairs. “Keras kepala” she said eventually, rolling her R neatly. “What’s that? Stubborn? Hard headed?” She gave him a look. “Like me,” she added, making sure he knew it wasn’t really an insult. “In here good?” she asked, slowing as they came up to a classroom door. She poked her head in; it was empty, had a big window to look out at the cloudy grounds. Perfect.

"What, you'd have more to say to the same people you see every day if they did more than one lame note-sending thing a year?" he asked skeptically as she stuffed more papers in her pocket than he would've imagined. What in the world was she doing to write to everyone. "Please don't tell me you're going to do those lame puns like 'You're a keeper'," he asked slightly horrified, slightly disgusted by the idea.

You're so... JR tried not to stare at her as she frowned, trying to find the right word. Was it doing to be something good or something bad? Was he being too grumpy? He thought she had had a nice time out on the pitch but when they had touched down, his mood seemed to dip. Would she have noticed that and was actually calling him out on it or was it something else. His brows pulled together as she said the foreign word and even mouthing it did nothing to help him figure out its meaning.

"Oh," he said then shrugged as she defined it for him, still a little unsure if she meant it as a positive or negative. He tried not to care so much about it, but the thought kept circling. Like me. Oh. That mollified him a bit and he stood up a little straighter as he nodded, going in and dropping into one of the chairs at the table. "So who's on your list?" he asked as he took another bite of his apple.

“So you don’t think it’d be fun to get notes? I should take you off my list?” she teased, eyebrows raised. “Maybe I’ll write one like that just for you, Hawkins — You’re…” she hesitated but only for a second, the words coming naturally. “— A catch.” She finished, overly pleased with herself considering how dumb it was. “Watching you like a hawk,” she added after a beat, leaning forward to try catch his eye, the equivalent of nudging him to check if he’d gotten the joke.

In the classroom, Tomie hopped up on the table beside him, taking the stuff out of her pockets and scattering it on its surface. She got a self-inking quill from her bag and twirled it in the fingers of her left hand. It was a bit too light — not nearly as good as a knife. She crossed her legs casually.

“Everyone,” she answered blankly, like it obvious. “You know, Wendy, Benny, Bren, uhh Patty…” She listed a few more names, then, “Uhh… Shelby. Maybe Ara, if he’s lucky.” She made sure to save someone for after Shelby so her name didn’t crop up dead last. They’d said family too, she recalled, not just friends. The real question was whether she should make her brother’s one heartfelt or just teasing. Both were within her emotional range, and Kembara hadn’t been too awful recently, so.

She wrote his name first. To Kembara Laut. JR seemed a little quieter than he had before, and Tomie was still riding the high from being outside. You’re an idiot, she wrote, but her thoughts on her Slytherin friend rather than brutally eviscerating her brother with such insults as “you’re an idiot”. She was intuitive; she noticed the disparity between now and twenty minutes ago.

“Knut for your thoughts?” she said, offering him a small smile.

"No," he told her flatly, shaking his head. "No notes. I'm done with notes." For obvious reasons that he was not going to mention, ever. "Wow, quite original coming from a seeker," he said, rolling his eyes at the lame joke. "Stop while you're ahead," he told her as he bit into his apple again. But he could almost see the gears working in her brain as he glanced over at her and then groaned, half-turning away from her as she added on another 'punny' joke. "That's really terrible. Borderline stalkerish."

The Slytherin sprawled back in the chair, one leg stretched in front of him, his pants riding a bit high on his ankle. He was growing faster than his mum could send him new pants, but he felt quite proud about it. At her list, he nodded. The usual crowd them. He couldn't possibly imagine different things she could write to each unless she had prepared a whole list of lame jokes.

Idly, he started straightening Tomie's stuff that she had dumped out of her pockets; righting the apple that was lying on its side, placing the banana so the apple fit nearly in its curve, lining up the quill that had been half bent in her pocket as he heard her writing on the first card. He glanced up at her question, seeing that smile made him narrow his gaze in the tiniest of ways. How was she so open all the time, he could see it on her face. He was almost jealous of it. No, he was jealous. So he gave her a careless shrug and crossed his arms in front of her. "Not thinking anything, just bored," he said, then glanced at her note for a distraction. "Who's an idiot?" he asked, reading what she had written.

But as he sat there, he couldn't quite help the thoughts circling and circling and his gaze slid back to Tomie sitting cross-legged on the table in front of him. Anxious thoughts creeping at the forefront of his mind as he worried about the next game of Slytherin vs Hufflepuff. 30 points, only 30 stupid points was what he and the other chasers were able to scrap together in their last match. He was pretty sure his father, chaser legend extraordinaire, would never stop harping on the fact that they had only managed to score three goals. Sourly, he scuffed his shoe against the floor as he asked, "Think Hufflepuff is a shoe in for the Quid  Cup this year?"

“Oh,” Tomie said, frowning a little, feeling a bit guilty about him feeling bored. She felt a tiny touch hurt, then reactively defensive — he didn’t have to come and sit in here with her, did he? He could do whatever he wanted. “You are,” she replied, giving him a look, but she couldn’t keep a smile off of her face. He’d walked into that. “This one’s for my brother,” she clarified, pointing at it, defensive feelings already evaporated. When Tomie was in a bad mood, JR gave her a snack. Or, occasionally like, teased her too much and then she was more pissed off. When JR was moody, she’d tease a little, then try to gently work it out of him. Unlike her, JR’s moodiness didn’t seem to appear out of thin air, or have anything to do with, like, being hungry.

“Hmm,” she said, not excited about talking about house quidditch. “Guess it depends on how you guys do,” she said, sketching messy little books in the corners of the note. She was drawing because writing was kind of hard to do while talking. Books because Ara loved studying. What else did nerds like, she wondered? She added a cauldron. Tomie sighed. “Trickett did catch the snitch both their games, and O'Bannon hasn’t caught either of yours,” she offered with a bit of a grimace. Most games were won or lost by their seekers, after all. Not that Aideen catching the snitch in their first game would have changed the outcome, of course.

He saw her look and he frowned in response. Why did she have that look? He wondered at it as his eyes got caught on her shoes, but then at her teasing comment, he met her gaze, rolling his eyes with an obvious look for what felt like the millionth time. "Hardy har har," he said back with a small shake of his head. Oh, right. Her brother. Ara. Ravenclaw. He didn't know enough about him to say it he really was an idiot or not, not like that really mattered. He called his siblings dumb more times than he could count. Especially Nola. No hard feelings, it was just the truth.

JR made a noise that was more like a grunt and slid further down in the chair, his arms crossed in front of him, his brows dipped low over his dark eyes. "It's so stupid that seekers determine the outcome of the game," he glanced at her quickly, a thought occurring to him. "No offense," he added before he continued. "It's like no matter how much I do, it's not enough." And it was true to some extent. In his first game, sure they had had an offensive powerhouse of a game, so many goals scored, but that must have been a fluke because their second game had been absolute rubbish.

He rubbed at his forehead. "I am not looking forward to going home for spring break," he admitted quietly, thinking of all the strategy and practice sessions Wyatt Sr. would want to have to discuss all aspects of his game.

The brunette scribbled another line under the other: But I guess you could be worse. How was that for Valentine’s day love and care, hmm? She wondered if he was gonna send her one — he’d better. She tried not to think too much about quidditch, or, specifically, her own terrible performance. Tomie frowned when JR spoke, and glanced at him just as sharply as he looked at her at her. She felt a bit like he’d read her mind, and wondered where he was going with that opening line.

“No, no, I get it,” Tomie said, nodding. She was still feeling a bit weird and defensive, but fully aware that it was her own inner voice that was criticising her, not him. She would rather focus on making him feel better, but her feelings demaded to be felt, too. She sighed, her frustration evident. Her voice wasn't very loud when she spoke again. “It’s so much pressure — all I think about,” she confessed. Maybe it should be worth half as many points. 75 seemed like a good number — much better than 150, anyway. As it was, if she didn’t catch the snitch, her chasers had to score at least sixteen goals for them to win. Absolutely ridiculous. Her palms were a little sweaty as she leaned forward to doodle a few more things on her brother’s card, dark hair slipping from her shoulder with an audible swish. She tucked it back behind her ear, still frowning a little.

“No?” Tomie asked, glancing at him, a touch curious, a touch concerned. “I’m... not sure if I’m going to,” she offered openly, her quill hovering just above the paper. “Would you be allowed to just stay at school?”

It made him feel a tiny bit better that she understood and agreed, but it was still a mountain of pressure he felt on his shoulders and he wasn't quite sure what to do with it. He glanced out the window. It had almost seemed to disappear for a little while when he was flying with Tomie, but it wasn't really practical to think he could just fly for forever and not ever come down.

His gaze slid back to her slowly as she confessed to the pressure of being a seeker. He... had never thought of that. Merlin, he was very glad in that instant that he had not gone after the seeker position. Not that Wyatt Sr thought there was any glory in that position at all, calling it the position less skilled players went after and somehow were rewarded with all the benefits in the points system. He balled his fists under his arms, squeezing them tight as he tried to get his dad's voice out of his head. It was so annoying to deal with his own thoughts and the projected thoughts of his dad. "I guess I never thought of that," he told her honestly. "Maybe we should both just switch to beater and just whack people with bludgers all game. No pressure there, right?" He tried to joke like Tomie, but it came out more like a grimace.

"You can do that?" he asked, his gaze coming up to meet hers with a bit of surprise hanging there. He wouldn't have to go home? He could stay here and hang out with his friends and fly and forget about any classwork they were assigned over break until the last possible minute and gorge himself on pastries until he couldn't move. And he wouldn't have to go home and face his dad and analyze every part of every game and own up to the nagging suspicious that he was not as talented as Wyatt Sr. no matter how much he tried. It was like a dream. No, it literally was a dream. He could never do that. His parents wouldn't allow it. "I don't think so," he said, dismissing the idea before his heart latched on to it too much. Maybe it was too late for that though.

He listened to her scratching on the card and he watched the movement, quiet with his thoughts. Tomie had always been easy to talk to so he found himself saying, "I thought making the quidditch team would be great, but it's been.." JR stopped himself and just shrugged, unable to find the right word. He glanced up at Tomie and wondered if she understood in that way she always had with him.

“I would love to play beater,” Tomie said, giving him a look. He grimaced and she understood completely — she hadn’t really wanted to talk about it; the pressure had really been doing her head in lately, but it was nice to talk about it with someone who really got it. It was usually Benny who she spoke to, because he usually understood her so well. She’d been a little reserved when it came to quidditch things, though; she didn’t want to rub the fact that he hadn’t gotten onto the team in his face. “Beater was what I always wanted to go for, but…” She glanced down at her arm, then poked her bicep for emphasis, then looked back up at him; he should be able to put it together. She wasn’t even five feet tall yet, and even though she’d done like a zillion push ups every day (and could do PROPER chin ups now), she just wasn’t strong enough to play that position.

She smiled a little at his question, not really sure if he was actually surprised or just teasing again. He sounded disappointed when he dismissed the idea, and she felt sad for him. She felt sad in general, for herself, too. The flying high had worn off. Tomie waited for him to finish his sentence, but when he glanced up at her, she put the card she’d been writing on down on the table. “It’s like,” she started, shifting to face him, moving so she could dangle her legs off of the desk, her feet resting on the chair beside him. “Hmm, it’s like all you ever wanted was this one thing,” she said, elbows on her knees, chin cupped in her hands. She met his gaze, feeling out nonverbally whether or not she was on the right path. She was speaking mostly from her own experience, trying to find mutual ground; she hadn’t really thought that JR had been feeling bad about the way he’d been playing until just now.

“And now you’ve got it, you realise it’s not like… an achievement you get to keep. So you’re only a second year and you’ve made the team, cool, great, but now you have to re-earn your spot there every single time you get on a broomstick because otherwise it's just proof you’re just… not good enough.” Tomie squished her cheeks with her fingertips, then relaxed them. She sighed, her brow furrowed as she sought his gaze again. She felt a little vulnerable laying it all out like that, and she hoped he wouldn't tease this time. Something like that? her eyes asked.