set fire to the skyline { ellie }

AUGUST 2003

It was a quiet afternoon in the office.

To be fair, though, it was almost always a “quiet afternoon” at his receptionist’s desk at work. Less so in summer for obvious reasons, but still, not a very demanding job, and at a workplace that only had a few employees, too. So instead of doing any work, Kai was sat in his chair, one foot resting on the edge of his desk, the other leg bent at the knee and rested on his chair, so he could lean a writing pad against the back of his thigh. He jotted messy notes with a regular ballpoint pen, trying not to glance at the clock at the top of the wall to the left too often, and trying not to adjust his glasses – the glasses he wore rarely, but really should wear more – too much.

He'd always liked writing. Sometimes he wrote in English; there were places and times where it was useful to sharpen those skills. He read in English often, and he read a wide range of things, from political essays to poetry. It was easier for Kai to write more creatively in his mother tongue, though. Political lingo was simpler to translate, even if there was a new word here and there he had to remind himself of, but capturing creative flow was trickier in a second language. Flow and rhythm weren't so easily learned with a dictionary.

He heard the door open, and finished his sentence before glancing up. After a beat, Kai took his foot down from the desk and turned, placing his notepad on his desk to the side. Instinctively, he placed it face-down despite the fact that he was almost certain no one in the building could read the characters except for him. She certainly didn’t look like someone who understood Japanese, at any rate. Kai gave her a well-natured smile as she approached the desk, sensing some hesitancy. That wasn’t unusual, here. Kai knew he’d gotten this job because he was young, and probably because of the way he dressed, and his demeanour or whatever, but he liked kids, and he liked contributing. He was the first face people saw when people walked in here, and sometimes they were people who needed help. It mattered to him that he did what he could to help them, and he was good at his job.

“Hey,” he said casually, taking his glasses off now that he wasn’t writing anymore. He rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger and dropped his glasses on his desk to the side. She looked young, but not too young. Definitely in that weird zone where she could be a grown-up-looking mid-teens teenager, or a young-looking person his age. Sometimes people just came in here for the pamphlets, lined up on the wire rack to his right, so he tried not to scare anyone off before they could get what they wanted. This girl wasn’t going for them, though, she’d come straight up to the desk. “Can I help with anything?” he asked.

When Eleanora had finally made the journey to the family estate to pick up the rest of her things, she was slightly pleased that her mother had chosen to continue gossiping with her friends even though she had given her a sideways glance, or better yet, a glare, the woman was still very unhappy that Eleanora had chosen to continue living in London instead of returning home. Even though the woman would not hear any of it, Eleanora felt that the distance made both of them happier than they were together. When conversations over owl or in person became too heated, Eleanora had somewhere to go other than just her room and that recovery period was essential if she wanted to keep considering them as family. But it felt suspicious and so as she reached the top of the stairs she paused for a moment, just in time to overhear a very curious conversation.

It wasn’t a topic that she could easily approach her father about; though he was much easier to talk about, Eleanora had never felt particularly close to him and worried that bringing up something that she had overheard was not the best way to start a conversation on such a sensitive topic. However, Eleanora did anyway and though it took him several moments of a serious expression to confess to it, the truth was much more scandalous than she had initially believed it to be. Her father had apologized, more than once in the span of their short interaction, but Eleanora was at a loss for words. It wasn’t the fact that her father had done this that bothered her, it was the fact that he had kept it a secret from them for such a long time. In a way, Eleanora had felt as if a part of her, a part of her family, had been missing for her entire life. If anything, it was up to her to do something about it.

With a little probing and a lot of luck, the young witch was able to get enough information from her father to owl her brother’s mother. Eleanora introduced herself as warmly as possible, asking that the letter might be given to Kazuaki and not demanding a meeting in case he felt forced into it. He had made an attempt before but had chosen not to pursue it, surely he had a good reason for it. But in response, she received an address to his place of employment and she had no choice but to seek him out herself.

Entering the youth center, she looked around cautiously, never having been in a similar place before but based on the pampleths she had managed to catch a glance of, it was easy to sort of figure out the purpose of a place like this. Awkwardly looking around for any sign of the name Kazuaki Kimura, she settled on approaching the young man behind the desk. “Hello,” she started with a smile, “I’m Ellie,” she offered, moving to extend her hand to him before realizing it was an odd gesture and returning her hand to her side. “I am looking for a Kazuaki Kimura, is he—does he happen to work here?” she asked.

Though it probably wasn’t the best way to start, and she suddenly felt nervous that he might think she was a stalker or some weird person for asking such personal information. “I—a friend recommended I ask for him, I was thinking about volunteering and heard this was a great place to start,” she continued. At least it would give her some time to figure out how she wanted to approach the topic. Hello, I’m your long lost sister, Eleanora seemed to only work in novels. 

“Hey Ellie,” he replied, waiting for her to get to the point. He tried not to focus on her awkward gesture, almost moving his own hand to shake hers over the desk before she stiffly moved her arm back to her side. Okay – so she was a bit awkward. That was fine. Kai raised his eyebrows as she said his name, though. She butchered it a little, but that wasn’t unexpected – it was why he’d swapped after all.

“Uh, yeah, that’s me,” he replied, a bit surprised. He ran a hand back through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. It fell right back in his face. What was unexpected was that she knew that name at all. He’d gone by Kazuaki when he’d first come to the UK, but he’d dropped it fairly early on. It wasn’t a secret or anything, though; sometimes people asked, and sometimes he’d just mention it. He racked his brain trying to think of who might have given that name to her – the people he’d spent most of his time with when he’d first come to London weren’t the kind of people he wanted to have much to do with these days. “I mostly use Kai though,” he added with a half-smile. She looked too young, though, and not nearly world-wisened enough to know those guys.

“Yeah, sure,” Kai said with a nod. “So... we’re not really looking for volunteers at the moment, as you can see it’s pretty…” He gestured at the room, empty aside from the two of them. “But there are plenty of projects I can direct you to if you have time on your hands?” He hesitated for a moment, not really sure what he should tell her. Despite her words, he got the distinct impression that she was waiting for something other than the names of people who were running werewolf outreach programs or groups campaigning to get a better sex ed curriculum into Hogwarts.

“Did you want to sit, or?” He nodded at the chairs against the wall. He didn’t want to rule out that she might need something, even if it wasn’t what she’d asked for.

Eleanora’s eyes widened just slightly when she realized that he was indeed the person she was looking for, finding it difficult to look away now as she started to see all of the similarities he might have to her or her own father. It was weird how learning one little fact changed everything, her eyes opened to the possibility that anything he said or did from now on would be particularly important to her image of him. Eleanora had grown so accustomed to being the older sister, the one who had vowed to protect her younger siblings and keep them safe from the world’s harm that she wasn’t sure how to look up to an older brother figure to begin with. Would he be interested in being an older brother to her if he were to find out who she was? Would the two of them be close or would they simply continue to be complete strangers only bonded by blood? This entire encounter was much more stressful than she had originally anticipated.

“Kai,” she repeated with a smile, much easier to pronounce than Kazuaki that was for sure, but it also felt much more familiar. But Eleanora continued to listen to what he said, not quite sure what would be the right timing to confessing the truth or whether he wanted to hear it. “Oh, I see—” she responded, the disappointment in her face was there but not because she was desperate to work at the youth center. If anything, the emptiness of the very place seemed to be robbing her from her opportunity to get to know Kai better before she told him the exact reason for her visit. “Well I suppose a project is just as well, thank you,” she added as an afterthought but showed no intention of leaving right away.

“Have you been working here for a long time?” she said suddenly, nodding but not really moving to sit down, unsure of how to segue into such a sensitive topic, “I’ve actually just recently moved to London so I’m out of sorts on how these projects or the youth center works to begin with. You deal with a lot of underprivileged kids and things like that?” Eleanora wasn’t really sure if that was the correct term for it but figured he would understand what she meant. Hopefully.

“Uh…” Kai glanced between her and the chairs, trying to pinpoint exactly what she was looking for here. Just someone to talk to, maybe? “Yeah, a mix, I guess? So…” Kai got up smoothly, taking a few steps around the desk to unstack one of the plastic chairs and put it down beside her. “...We’re connected to other organisations that do all kinds of things – summer quidditch programs, a sexual health clinic, a variety of stuff.” He picked a couple of pamphlets from the wire rack as he went, then sat down on the edge of his desk, facing her.

Absentmindedly, he played with the pamphlets in his hands. “The guy that set this up – Lachlan – he’s a muggleborn? I think he’s trying to model this place on a muggle equivalent he works at too, but obviously most teens in the UK are at Hogwarts when it isn’t summer, so he’s…” Kai waved a hand, trying to think of the right English word. Ah. “Innovating.” Perfect.

Kai’s mother was a muggle, and he’d grown up with a foot in both worlds. His boss was a muggleborn who’d disappeared into the muggle world just before the war, doing a little confunding here and there to get himself into work. There were a lot of ways that Kai thought that the wizarding world disliked change – sometimes even moreso than the muggle one – but it was two thousand and three now, and change was inevitable. He’d even been thinking about getting a mobile phone lately, but that was probably ninety percent just to make hookups easier and he was tangenting here…

“I’ve been here for almost a year, but I work at a similar kind of place in uh, the muggle world too?” He gave a casual shrug. Things were slow in here today; he wasn’t opposed to talking to her for as long as she wanted, though a part of him did feel like she was only half-listening.

Eleanora looked down at the pamphlets in his hand as he continued to speak, intrigued by the concept even though that wasn’t exactly why she had found herself at the youth center in the first place. He seemed enthusiastic about his work, knowledgeable about what he did, and eager to help, qualities which immediately set him apart from other people who were supposed to be helpful but did a shit job at it, people like her parents or the secretary at her therapist’s office that always gave her a hard time about scheduling additional appointments with loaded comments like you’ve been coming here for so long with a smile that walked a fine line between fabricated politeness and judgement.

“So you sort of help kids figure out things to do over the summer?” she tried, “help them stay out of trouble or like if things at home aren’t great?” she added. Though they were more statements, her intonation rose slightly at the end, speaking as if she needed validation; it was impolite to make assumptions, after all. “But that’s nice, I would’ve loved to come to a place like this when I was still in school,” she confessed. The Lovecrafts often spent their summers abroad, her parents somehow believing that leaving England would also mean that all of their issues would stay behind at home waiting for them to return. It was during family vacations that she felt even more alone than usual.

When Kai revealed that he worked in the muggle world too, she smiled a little, her mind immediately drifting to how disgruntled her mother would become if that fact was ever shared with her. The information that her father had disclosed to her had been limited, Mortimer was a private man that felt threatened by personal questions, but Eleanora knew he had given her more information than he had ever dared to give her mother. And now that she possessed even more knowledge about the man before her, especially the fact that his ideas seemed to clash with some of her mother’s, gave her much pleasure.

“Almost a year! That’s great, you must really like it here,” she noted, wondering what he had been doing prior to that and if it had been his move to London that had prompted his search or the other way around. And the fact that he was being so forthcoming was starting to weigh on her conscious. “Listen, Kai—” she started, “I think the work they do here is great and would love to donate,” she started with a smile, “But I must admit I haven’t been entirely truthful about why I am here, though I hope you can understand my reasoning behind it or why I’ve shown up in the first place…” she started, looking at him to try to read how he would react to that. 

“Pretty much, yeah” Kai said with a casual shrug. From the way she’d said “deal with disadvantaged kids”, he’d figured that she wasn’t exactly one of them. He scratched his cheek absentmindedly, resting one of his boots against the front of his desk.

They did some other stuff, too – more outreach – and they had things for older teens and young adults, as well as kids who’d dropped out of school (not that there were that many of them in this area). But Kai wasn’t really interested in pitching their whole business model to her, unless that was what she was looking for. He glanced at the door absentmindedly, wondering if she’d come in here to get away from someone. That was fine, too. He wasn't doing anything else; he could chat.

“Yeah,” he said again, feeling a little like he was at a job review or something. He looked back at her, a half-smile on his face. “Lachlan’s a great guy, there are a couple of other really great people who work here too…” He flicked the pamphlets in his hands with a thumb. She started talking again and Kai felt some of his well-natured conversational self recede a little. Curiosity replaced charisma. He quirked an eyebrow at donate, feeling a little skeptical automatically. He wasn’t sure if it was because she looked so young, or because he was skeptical of anyone rich enough to be offering meaningful donations to a small program like theirs.

Was she a writer? Not the fucking prophet, surely; that shit made him feel more skeptical, too. She trailed off, and he stayed silent for a moment, unwilling to bite. After a moment of neither of them speaking, though he finally relented. “Well, go on,” he said, his tone cool but not quite impolite. He placed the pamphlets down on the desk beside him.

Eleanora realized that now that she had prefaced her confession in the way she had, Kai would probably be expecting something of great value to follow it, and therefore she now had to tell him the truth or say something completely ridiculous and lose the opportunity to say anything at all. But telling him that he was her brother was not as easy as building the resolve to go there in the first place had been. She had taken the time to process the information that she had been given, spending days mulling over whether writing his mother or visiting him at the youth center or approaching him at all was a good idea to begin with.

Eleanora had refrained from telling Andy or Morgana about her quest just in case things went awry; she had experience dealing with disappointment and failure, Andy and Morgana were still young and a little more sheltered than she was, much of which she supported. Eleanora loved her younger siblings dearly and would never put them in harm’s way, especially not when it involved a stranger whose intentions she was yet to figure out.

“I’ve come today because,” she stalled again, biting her lip nervously before she sighed, “I am Eleanora…Lovecraft,” she said slowly, her entire body tense as she became anxious with the thought of how he might react to the news. Would he be relieved that she sought him out? Would he feel as if his privacy was invaded because she had sought him out instead? Would he deny the entire thing and ask her to leave? “By chance I overheard my mum talking about you—” she started.

That didn’t really sound like a pleasant thing to say so she didn’t add to it and continued onward, “and after consulting with my—our father—I figured that I’d like to meet you for myself, I hope that’s alright,” she said. It didn’t really seem like he had much of a choice, she scolded herself only moments later. “I can leave if it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it I just—I wrote you a letter and sent it to Japan but your mum responded with your work address instead and I assumed that she might have told you…?” she trailed off.

He felt himself tense.

Kai understood what she was saying as soon as she gave him her full name: Lovecraft. He’d located his father years ago, but when he’d found out a little more about the man (pureblood, rich, three kids and a wife), it had all felt like a bit much. When he was younger he’d thought he needed to know who he was, but as he’d gotten older and grown more into himself, blood hadn’t seemed as relevant. He’d started questioning why he’d ever felt like it mattered at all. His aunt and her partner had been a lot more present raising him than his mother had been, after all; his biological father was practically just a sperm donor.

And yet... He searched her face, looking for some kind of telltale in her features or her expression. They looked nothing alike – of course – and he felt really fucking stupid for looking for it. She was talking again though, and he quirked an eyebrow again as she mentioned her mother. So they knew, then. They all knew. But she was the only one who’d come.

“Fuck,” he said casually, falling back on the word he used as filler sometimes when his English escaped him. Our father. Jesus Christ.

The last time he’d done any sort of digging had been a few years ago now – the same month he’d met Anthony Goldstein at a party. She’d said something about being out of school, hadn’t she? Back then she’d been a younger teen, though, still a kid. At the time, the idea of this young family with three kids had been pretty intimidating for him. She mentioned his mother...? Kai hadn’t talked to her for some time, but he had given his aunt his work address once when he was uh… in between residential addresses. One of them must have given it to Ellie expecting her to write to him here, though, not expecting her to just… show up.

He found himself gripping the edge of the desk a little, and forced his hands to relax. A part of him was irritated that she hadn’t said anything straight away – that she’d listened to him rattle on about the center that she obviously did not give two fucks about. He felt exposed, like a precocious child who was struggling to grasp an adult concept. His self defensiveness was childish too, but he kept it all inside for now. “Uh, just give me a second,” he said softly, hopping lightly down from the desk, and walking back around it to a door leading out the back. “Hey Lachie,” he said, through the doorway. “I’m going out for lunch.”

A moment later, he was back by his desk. “Wanna go for a walk?” he asked, jerking his head at the entrance. He had a cigarette between his lips before they’d gotten to the doors.

Outside it was sunny as anything, and, despite it being a weekday, people were out in numbers. He’d never liked it when his mood contrasted so heavily with the setting around him; it was too dissonant, somehow, that it was a lovely summer’s day. It was a little louder out here, too, but Kai couldn’t smoke inside. “Do you mind?” he asked out of the corner of his mouth. He didn’t really wait for a response though, lighting up quickly and pocketing his lighter.

After a couple of impatient puffs, he glanced at her again, a thousand questions buzzing in his brain. “Ellie, right?” he asked, clarifying. “Jesus,” he said softly, shaking his head. “So… How old are you?” he asked the first question that came to mind, but there were so many more where that had come from. Why was she the only one here? He glanced over her shoulder briefly, wondering if the rest of the family were hiding around here somewhere.

Eleanora considered that she might have done well to consult with her therapist about her plans before she had simply shown up and unpacked what might have been years of an unresolved something in the middle of the day at his place of employment. If the first thing he said after she had spoken was anything to go by, Eleanora might have even set back months if not years of progress, similar to the way her mother often did when she mentioned her ex-boyfriend’s name or that terrible thing that took place at Hogwarts only a few years ago that had taken his life. The young witch could admit that her own reasons had been slightly selfish but she had certainly never anticipated that this sort of reaction—or maybe she had and now felt guilty that it had happened and wanted to take everything back but she couldn’t. But he hadn’t exploded on her, he had remained relatively calm, and maybe it was this quality that he had inherited from their father among others.

“I apologize for showing up so suddenly,” she responded, nervously playing with the strap of the bag at her side, unsure if maybe she should just leave but choosing to let him make that decision at least. If he sent her home, she made herself promise that she wouldn’t contact him or bother him again, she might even just avoid this entire part of London altogether for the sake of no risking the chance of running into him by chance. But if he asked her to stay then she would answer any and all questions he had, and if he wanted to meet Andy and Morgana, she would facilitate it, regardless of her mother’s wishes. Eleanora couldn’t really say that she was entirely opposed to going against what the woman wanted, she had caused her and her siblings enough grief to deserve a little payback. But this was much more important that that—she didn’t believe in alienating a family member and wouldn’t just allow her father to keep her away from Kai just because he felt guilty over his past actions.

“Alright,” she nodded in agreement as she waited, figuring that if he was asking her to wait it was a good sign and maybe it wouldn’t all be in vain after all. “Sure, that would be lovely,” she continued, the way she was speaking starting to reflect how increasingly nervous she was feeling. It had always been a bit of a nervous habit, for her to start speaking like she had emerged from a novel set in the 1900s. Her mother approved of it and felt it was a good sign that all of those etiquette classes were paying off, for Eleanora it sort of made it difficult for her to socialize with others without so blatantly alluding to her social background.

Eleanora waited silently for him to continue to speak, “Not at all, go ahead,” she insisted, having half a mind to ask him for one herself but choosing not to. She wasn’t really much of a smoker but it certainly beat playing with the straps of her bag which offered her no comfort whatsoever. “Right,” she nodded, “Eighteen now,” she said with a smile, “What about you?” she wondered if she could do the math, try to figure out when her father got involved with his mother. “Did you recently graduate from school?”

He waved away apologies, more intent on getting a nicotine fix and getting on his feet than making polite small talk. He felt emotionally shaky, like he had too much energy and some of it was overflowing. He couldn’t sit still when he felt like that.

That would be lovely. She was rich, he remembered. He’d been able to find their family in British bloodline archives, for fuck’s sake (well, at least he’d read her right, before she’d revealed who she was – very good, ten points to him). Kai had never learned English from ‘proper’ sources; his mother and aunt had taught him as he was growing up, but neither of them were quite fluent. When he’d moved to the UK several years ago he’d learned a lot more, a lot more quickly. Most people spoke pretty informally in most situations, he’d learned, but there were ways to speak like you were a trust fund baby, and she was ticking those boxes.

Kai wondered about her political views momentarily, and then almost laughed at the fact that he’d just been accosted by his sister, and one of his first thoughts had been about her views on fucking capitalism. Hilarious. He had a few friends who’d find that amusing, he was sure.

Eighteen, right, so a recent grad. He gave himself another mental pat on the back for guessing right (more or less) as he filled his lungs with cigarette smoke.

Despite having asked if she wanted to walk, the pair were only a couple of buildings down the street before he was leaning against a brick wall. He gave her a look when she asked if he graduated recently. “Twenty-four in September,” he told her, smoke curling out of the corner of his lips. He was still asked for ID in muggle bars sometimes – which was a bit of a problem since he didn’t have any – but he didn’t think he looked like a teenager. Then again, white people always thought he looked younger.

It was funny how that worked, the race stuff. Growing up, his whiteness had always marked him as different; here it was obviously the opposite. Lots of British people didn’t even read him as mixed, which was honestly baffling. Kai let his thoughts skitter down this tangent for a minute before pulling himself up and trying to focus. He felt like he had a lot to say, but wasn’t sure where to start. “So it’s just you here, is it?” he asked, glancing at her again. It sounded harsher than he’d meant it, but honestly, she’d taken him off guard. What did she expect?

Actually – what did she want?

“I mean, here,” he added, making a jerky gesture to the street with his cigarette-hand. He knew he must be coming across pretty wired, and internally he fought to undermine a little of the defensiveness that was steering him. He needed to get his shit together, he thought distantly. Kai turned his torso her way a little, intentionally softening his expression and tone for her sake. Deep breath. Okay. “You just uh, came to find me?”

Eleanora had a vague idea of how her parents had met and thereafter married, it being a story they rarely recounted at little events like dinner or when prodded by other members of the family. But they had always made it sound like a fairytale—Mortimer, having been so overcome by Lucena’s beauty after she stumbled into the family apothecary shyly pursued her relentlessly through owls until the two of them decided to become an item. After years of separation due to schooling, Mortimer and Lucena finally decided to settle down together and begin their family, three beautiful little children who had a world of opportunity ahead of them.

But as she glanced over at Kai, watching his profile curiously as they continued to walk, that fairy tale fizzled out and was replaced by feelings of confusion and possibly even anger at being misled for such a long time. Eleanora wasn’t really sure how to feel about Kai’s mother nor did she understand how the entire affair had gone about, her father refused to get into the details of all that probably to appear less guilty thean he really was, but she knew it wasn’t his fault nor did it make any sense to shun him because of it.

“So about a six year gap then,” she mentioned absentmindedly when they came to a stop, wondering if it had really taken her mother six years to forgive her father or if she had known at the time at all. Eleanora was curious to a fault and the more she considered it the more she wanted to know, the dramatic novella that was unfolding in her mind probably much more theatrical than how things had actually happened. “You don’t look it, have you married yet? Most of the Lovecraft children are around your age, at least the boys are, us girls aren’t as important, we don’t carry the family name, you see,” she added as an afterthought. None of what she said seemed strange to her, it was the way she had been raised after all.

If anything had been strange was that she had thought he was much younger than almost twenty-four, possibly even around her age which would have been even more scandalous. Imagining her demure father getting two women pregnant at once, even that sounded like a bit too farfetched for who she had known him to be all of her life. Then again, here was Kai, a brother she had never even known existed.

“In London?” she replied, a little confused by his question but only because she had been a little consumed by her thoughts and the dramatics that were unfolding within them. “Oh—” she started, shaking her head, “It’s just me,” she continued, “I haven’t told Andy and Morgana, if that’s what you mean, I figured it would be best if—” she paused, “well I didn’t want to bring them all along, we are practically strangers and Morgana tells my mother everything so that would’ve been a disaster,” she laughed a little, trying to make light of the very awkward situation.

“I heard you came looking for us at one point,” she continued her explanation, though it was rather poor, “What changed your mind?”

Kai nodded silently when she said six year gap, glad that she didn’t ask about graduation again. It made sense that she thought about adulthood like that – in terms of time-since-graduation – if she’d only graduated from Hogwarts at the start of summer. Kai had dropped out at the end of his fifth year, something that he didn’t think she’d appreciate. He felt a little unsteady, trying to walk a line between not caring what this girl – a stranger, really, and clearly living in a different world to him – thought of him and… whatever the other option was.

The corner of one side of his lips pulled up as she started talking about the Lovecraft children, though. Now that was funny. “Married?” he repeated, amused. He raised his eyebrows, wondering if it was okay to be gay in the Lovecraft family, his thoughts tinged with a little sarcasm. “No,” he said, ashing his cigarette to the side, “you?” He was teasing a bit. He shook his head again. “Nah – just – twenty-three, single, working a couple of part time jobs…” He trailed off, amused again that his little summary sounded like he was looking for a date. “Enjoys long walks on the beach,” he added for good measure.

Andy and Morgana? His smile faded a little. “Younger siblings, right,” he said, bringing the cigarette back to his lips for a couple more anxious puffs. Andy, he thought? Andy? In a family with names like Morgana, Mortimer, Eleanora? Might be a nickname, he concluded quickly. “So your mum doesn’t know you’re here?” he asked, trying to work out how he felt about that. He tried to piece it together. She’d overheard something, found out about his existence? Then bullied her dad into getting his family’s address in Japan or something? Then come here all by herself?

So she hadn’t told her younger siblings or her mother. He wondered if that meant she was closer to her dad. (Their dad?) (Fuck).

“Did you?” he asked, smiling a crooked smile again. Should he tell her that the whole reason he’d come to the UK in the first place was to find his dad? He’d been running away, too, but he’d come here, specifically, looking for Mr. Lovecraft. He gave a small shrug, a little amused at the way some of the more vulnerable moments of his life were being laid out in front of him so casually. “Guess I saw that there were three of you, and a wife – uh – mum, and I didn’t know if it was worth maybe messing that up for… I don’t know, my own..” He waved a hand again, searching for the word. He wanted to say ego, but ego wasn’t right. Closure was too lofty for what he’d really been looking for, so maybe – “... Curiosity?” That worked.

Her family had looked like such a textbook upperclass British family from the outside, too, and everything she said and did – her mannerisms, her vocabulary – confirmed that he’d been right. They were white, pureblooded, rich. Conservative, he assumed; her comments about carrying the family name, or whatever the fuck that was, suggested that they were pretty invested in very traditional norms. Kai wondered what the family’s reaction would be if he showed up – raised by a muggle, half japanese, working class – claiming to be related to them all. Should he tell his father about his last boyfriend, or…? He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it, but he didn’t know quite how to communicate that to the girl waiting for him to answer.

“We seem very different,” he said, gesturing in between the two of them. “Me and your family,” he added. Your family. Not our family.

“No, though I wouldn’t be surprised if the topic came up at the next family dinner,” she smiled and offered in return, feeling a little less nervous as they continued to speak. He exuded an air of cool insouciance. The very way in which he had handled her confession seemed to only further prove that he was not raised in the Lovecraftian manner and was better off for it. Eleanora wondered what his mother was like and if her father had pursued the woman because she was so far removed from the realities of their family life.

Her mother was a strange mixture of aloofness and nervous energy, she spoke in a high-pitched tone like a low hum of electricity that threatened to consume you if you stood next to it for much too long. “Well there isn’t anything wrong with that, much more pleasant, I’d say,” she retorted, but it was obvious that he wasn’t asking for her validation. Eleanora, on the other hand, wanted to emphasize that regardless of what he was up to it was much more sensible than the expectations that came with her family.

“Oh of course not, she’d go absolutely mad if she found out I went looking for you, though would probably first complain about how rude I was for seeking you out without owling and making an appointment first,” she explained with a small smile, amused by the imagine that had been drawn in her head, hoping that the truth wouldn’t make him uncomfortable. Eleanora was technically an adult now and didn’t really need her mother’s permission regarding how she spent her free time. Nevertheless, the young witch was also well aware that a misstep could cause her more than a scolding, it always did seem that her inheritance and family name were usually hanging by a thread when it came to her mother. “But she’ll come around…eventually,” she added, in case this (whatever that was she wasn’t sure) was something that would happen more than once.

Her mother felt threatened by outsiders the same way any woman whose husband had gone off to have an affair might feel. Eleanora was not aware of the circumstances that had led to such a situation and though she might have been upset at her father’s carelessness, it still did not take away from the fact that he was her brother. It therefore only made sense that the Lovecraft motto revolving the importance of family applied to Kai as well.

“If I were in your position, I think I would go looking too—” she empathized but the thought was so distant to her reality that it was difficult for her to truly put herself in her shoes. It didn’t stop her from trying, though, hoping that she would start to spot similarities between their lives and looks, something that would somehow place him in her family as if he had been there all along. “I think you have the right to know, if anything goes awry it certainly wouldn’t be your fault,” she hinted, wondering if he would somehow understand that her parents had always been a little on the verge of something.

“Perhaps,” she shrugged at his conclusion, “I suppose in a way we might be but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, our family is complicated but the fact that you’ve grown outside of it might give you perspective, but that’s something you’ll see when you meet everyone else,” she added, “If that is what you’d like, of course—” she added as an afterthought. “Do you actually eat during your lunch breaks or just have a smoke? Because if you’ve got the time, we could go grab something and you could tell me more about yourself? Or I can answer any questions you have about dad or our siblings if that’s better?” she offered, shifting her weight from one foot to another as she awaited his response.

He didn’t say anything at the “family dinner” mention, privately thinking that her family sounded batshit insane to him. They were talking about marriage, and she was only eighteen? He supposed if his mother and aunt hadn’t been so rebellious he might have family members asking the same kind of questions, but it didn’t come with the creepy blood shit that he imagined hers would. Family name and all.

“Right,” Kai replied vaguely, nodding, the hand holding his cigarette between a thumb and forefinger hovering in front of his lips. “Can’t have that.” Absolutely mad, sure. Rude. Appointments? He felt like he was only registering every third or so word she was saying at this point. Her mum would be angry? At what, he wondered?

– but that’s something you’ll see when you meet everyone else, she said.

– when you meet everyone else.

She was quick to amend, but there was no smoothing over things like that for Kai. He couldn’t help but read the expectation in between the lines, and despite his outward casualness, it was all getting ground up inside him. Did he even want to meet her (their) father? Did he want to meet her mother, who presumably hated him? Her (their) other siblings? He had two little sisters and one little brother; it was something he’d sort of known before, but he really hadn’t thought about it much once he’d decided he was letting go of all of that. How was he supposed to feel now that they were all real people? Right now he felt mostly anxious, and a bit pissed off at her (their) dad.

He took another drag of his cigarette, his dark eyes flicking to meet hers as she spoke, trying to work out if she was genuinely asking if he had nicotine for lunch every day or if she was teasing him. She didn’t seem to really comprehend that the process – finding out, writing a letter, deciding to show up – had happened in a natural and gradual way for her, whereas he’d closed that entire divergent chapter of his life off years ago. Now she was here, and he was a bit pissed off at her too – but that feeling was a bit harder to maintain.

“Trust me, I’d be doing more than smoking if I didn’t have to go back,” Kai joked, dropping his cigarette butt on the ground and grinding it into the concrete with the heel of his boot. Well, not so much joked as said jokingly. Outwardly, he was being relatively nonchalant compared to the agitated sort of energy he felt internally. In all honesty, it wasn’t really a joke. Still, he smiled.

“But sure, lets go get a coffee.” Or a few shots of something stronger, maybe. He always had trouble eating when he was stressed. He pushed off the wall, glancing down the street to his left before pointing to his right. He started walking slowly, letting her catch up before picking up the pace a little. He ran a hand through his hair, resisting the urge to fish for another cigarette from the packet in his pocket.

They were both quiet for a moment. “Any seafood allergies in your family?” he asked casually, sidestepping someone on the path. It was the first thing that came to mind. Kai didn’t even know if food allergies were hereditary but no one else in his family had it, so maybe…? He gave her a sidelong glance, studying her features again. She’d asked him to tell her a bit more about himself, but he wasn’t sure where to start. Wasn’t sure what might be of interest to her. “Is there anything else – do you have any questions in particular?”